Hold on to hope By Colton Dixon

 

Music and thoughts

Koto lesson yesterday. Was long. Mostly lots of talking. Shirley didn't win the competition, but enjoyed getting to see Japan, and mount Fuji, she says it's lucky to be able to see it, as it sometimes is covered in clouds.  She also got to see her relatives, and bought socks fitted exactly to her feet. And loved the park with swans, and a place that had hot springs.

I'd been practicing a koto song for three weeks, called Sunset. It's a really beautiful song. I've really enjoyed learning it. I like the meditation of playing it. 

Though, when I went to play it for my teacher, it didn't sound like I had practiced it. 

Had to really focus, and the fear bubble that popped up was real big. 

Trying to be present with it all, has been challenging. 

 Ah well...

We do our best. And sometimes, I guess it's a challenge love ourselves, despite how we manifest, and be as present as we can with the beautiful things, and also the not so beautiful things---the notes that don't come out how we plan. And if we can, with God's help, it is all beautiful.

Maybe that's the whole point. To love what is. To love the love behind what is.

To love---that is the most perfect thing I feel anyone of us can ever do. That we are so much more than any of these things we see, and do, and work at. We are the love. 

And perhaps, by making our (so called mistakes) we are saying, to each other, and ourselves, by loving no matter what shows up, the truth behind it all. 

That we are love. That you are love. It's okay. Look. I am not this, and neither are you. 

We are much more than these things.

No competition. No amount of practicing will make you more lovable.  No right notes, or wrong notes.

And to be present in life. 

Is a gift. One we give to each other. So we know. That love is.

Love isn't a condition. 

It is a space.

The most real thing I know.

The knowing.

 Its easy to say.

Sometimes harder to live.

But spirit knows. And tells me this truth, always. 

 

So...

Three things that make me smile.

Three things I'm grateful for.

Kids, their honesty. 

Things that make laugh. 

Grateful for Cannon in D. Bess taught me to play it on the Ukulele.  Bess and I have always liked cannon in D. And this Chicken one, is well, pretty epic. 

You'll see why. 

I don't really know why these came to mind today. But another one that I have found really fun to watch is another chicken one, of a guy yodeling.  Sorry it does have a bit of language. But I thought it was fun to watch. And his voice is beautiful.

Also, this song came on pandora yesterday evening while I was washing dishes. I wrote the name down, so I could find it again. I thought was beautiful. I guess the theme of today is Asian. 

Have a beautiful day, always.

One Funny video, One Beautiful Song, and one soothing video

 

Kid History 8 and 7

I've been going through them, and forgot about these two, they made me laugh so hard I cried.

]

 

Kid History 2

 One more good one. :)

Kid History

 These are just funny. They make me laugh every-time I watch them, especially the first ones they put out. 

This one I find especially funny. My kitchen has been very much a health food kitchen with Kombucha mushrooms bubbling in jars. Just very relatable  :)

Three Performances, and a folk song

 Dear blog, 

All three performances went better than expected. 

Blue notes, we pulled together. Though there were some challenging bits, and vibes.

The day of, though everyone felt like we were all trying. And that was good.

The best song of that day, was a song my sister, played the violin for, while we sang. Away in a manger, a really beautiful arrangement. 

The beautiful thing was about that song, I could feel my heart beating uncommonly fast. And I realized, that I felt it was my sister's heart I was feeling. I felt really connected to my sister. 

Then we started singing, and I looked around, for an extra soprano voice, as the volume of felt amplified. And I realized that something had come down to our stage. 

The third thing for this beautiful song. For the beautiful words. 

My sister felt it. I felt it.

And I was grateful.  For a song, for the spirit. For that peace.

That space.

I don't know if anyone else felt it. But Bessie did, and I did. And if only for that moment, it was worth it.

Afterward, everyone was so friendly, but it was a lot of energy, and so much. I hugged so many people. I was feeling friendly, and wanting to visit, and see people. And I was happy that I felt friendly. That I wanted to visit.

  After spring show earlier this year, they had asked me to be Vice president of the group, which I didn't really know what that meant. I wasn't sure if I wanted to....

The I me, didn't.

But I talked to God about it, and I felt I should. So I said yes.

Apparently, the secretary of the group who counts the proceeds from the show, asked me, vice president to watch her count the money afterward. I guess she normally does it alone, but someone in the group thought one other person should be present, to make sure that no body bes naughty. 

Anywho, so we went into a corner, and I watched her count the money, and it was quite cute, because many people donated 100.00  and 50.00 bills.  What was beautiful about it, was that it was a very small turnout for this show. It was very small crowd, watching. And it wouldn't have equaled the large amount that was made. 

We donate all the proceeds to charity. Last year, the group bought a hearing aide for a high school kid. I'm not sure what they'll do with it this year. 

I felt so much hot chi in my body, afterward. We both felt wired. I wanted to ground. Bessie and I went outside, and walked under the full moon. It was beautiful. So beautiful I thought I would set up my tent in the greenhouse and sleep outside---even though it was cold. So I made six trips back and fourth bringing my blankets, and things to make a bed in the cold of winter. 

I remembered something my mom had mentioned about me using a wheelbarrow. Though late in remembering, I used the wheelbarrow to tote blankets in at the very last trip. So I did that with my weighted blankets, and that was nice. 

I also thought that I had never slept outside in December, so I thought I'd give it a try.  I was very bright because of the moon. And I wore a glove, on one hand, and a hat on the other, so as not to freeze.

I was pretty warm, but my nose was very cold. All in all, I always like sleeping on the ground. It was a bit cold. And I sort of wanted to come inside after while. But once once you have all your gear set up. You just stay until the morning. 

The roosters had fun crowing when the sun came up, in the adjoining chicken coup.

I did enjoy coming out into the sun, and just sitting in the morning light and basking in it. The sun felt so good. So loving. 

Sunday, ah, well that entire day felt busy. 

We were both tired from the day before, but we both felt like we should go to our ward Choir practice, as my sister had said the week before that they had asked us to please come, because they needed us. 

We got ready as fast as we could, and walked to the Church. We walked in, and there were only about five people singing in the whole choir. I don't know if everyone was busy that day. But we came and sang songs out of the hymn book.They were grateful for extra voices. And afterward, my uncle talked to us about his granddaughter with many many health issues, that was finally learning to crawl. 

We also invited him to come and sing for the Messiah. He wasn't sure, as he hadn't been able to go to any of the practices. 

We told him to come anyway, if he wanted. And he looked like he wanted to. So Bessie told him what songs we would be singing, so he could look them up on Youtube. And that if he wanted to come, the men were asked to wear a red tie, if he came. 

And you could tell he wanted to. 

So we went home, and I rummaged around, trying to get gifts ready for the piano player, and Choir director. So much was happening. Bess was trying to get memos out for the choir members, about what to wear, what time, and if they wanted to help set up.

She left at 4:00 to help set up the stage, as there was a lot of things to do, and the choir director, and Doug the play director from Fillmore also the choir director for Fillmore's Handel's Messiah was helping by bringing loads of his sound equipment. 

There were several things I needed to do at home, so I stayed. My mom's arm was hurting her, so I gave her a massage.

Then I walked to Ameila house, our neighbor she had a bad headache that had been ongoing, that made one of her eyes blurry. So while Bess was helping set up things there, I was doctoring our friend, and giving her some fresh ginger juice, and a head and foot massage. It was cute, because while I was massaging her feet, her dog came up, and put its head under my armpit, and just was loving.

When I got home, I got some treats ready for the choir (which they didn't eat) Printed some programs. (which they didn't need) lol And then got ready.

I road up with Sarah, Mom, and Jeana. Though while transferring some stuff form one car to the other, I ran into a bush tree, and scraped my eye with a branch. 

Got there just in time, and what was beautiful, was the turnout for this event was great. It was well attended, much more than previous years. Bess had saved me a seat right next to her, and a young girl in choir we had made friends with.  And it was beautiful because we were all seated by loving friends. And in the very front of the choir, so we would get the full on sound from behind.

Bess had spotted my uncle early on in the audience, and noticed he was wearing a red tie. She asked him, "Aren't you singing with us?" 

He looked sheepish, and said that he wanted to, he also was worried about being judged for singing without ever practicing. He also forgot his music book. She told him she had extra, and walked him to a seat by someone he felt comfortable sitting by, and seemed very pleased, almost to tears, especially afterward.

Fillmore's choir came too, and so it was this huge choir, much bigger than our handful of people in Delta, and the orchestra was bigger than normal, and we also had some new really young people. One ten year old, I believe, playing the timpani. 

The whole feeling of it was more real, and more friendly than normal. Our choir director forgot some things, like when to stand us up, and sit us down, but it was cute. Because it was real.  

And both directors from Fillmore, and Delta got to be seen, and they sang solos. And that was beautiful, because they both really wanted to. And they both did a beautiful job.

Bess sang the Angel's recitative, as she has done since she was ten, or twelve. And that was beautiful. It was interesting because I was a seat away from where the soloists sang, so I got to really feel the soloists. 

The best songs, were the Hallelujah chorus, everyone stood up, and Bess motioned for the crowd to sing, and they did. And it was powerful. Bess felt it too. The third thing showed up. My mom cried, and you could see that the audience felt something too.

And also for the Amens. It came again.

And it was good. So much energy. So many hugs. Everyone lingered longer. It was better than any of the other performances than I can remember, for many, many years. It was just good. Less ego, and more love. 

Bess said she had fun helping to sculpt the energy while they were setting up risers, and sound equipment and at first, she said that everyone felt like they were just doing a job. But it ended up in fun, and it was real, and one of the best parts for her. She loved it. And had fun playing with everyone setting up, being silly, and just being real.

Phew...

My heart feels a bit tired. And my head, and body feels weird. 

 It was so much. 

Big or large gatherings. 

 It's been a lot. I had to go home and cry, afterward. It's hard to explain why. Energetically, if your sensitive, it's just a lot. 

I have to spend some time alone, to feel myself. My home frequency after these events.

Yesterday too, our last Bluenotes concert of the year, at the care center. And that was good too. Just a lot. So many souls, so many. Bess has put out a ton of energy too.

We also sang, Away in a manger, and I felt the third thing again. Bess did too. And we both thought the choir felt it this time.

And that is beautiful.

We have one more Messiah performance on Sunday, my koto teacher is back from Japan so I'm staring lessons again this week.

But for the most part. It's been beautiful. 

But we are both very tired.

And I wouldn't mind being a hobbit for a while. 

What stands out, is that I feel, things are changing for the better slowly, but surely. People are softening.

Souls are remembering something good. Even with the hard bits, there is still something better than it's ever been.

I feel slowly but surly we are all starting to feel one another, more, and more. To feel spirit. God. Love.

And that is priceless. 

We are all so more connected than we know, than we can fathom, than we can even describe. We are all so much more beautiful than we know.

And love is so beautiful, and when it is felt, and seen, and heard.

How beautiful, how amazing, how wonderful that is. Things can change for the better. That we can start to see each other as ourselves, one soul at at time.

And even if you haven't practiced, or remembered to bring your music book, you are still welcome to sing in God's choir.

Love is always welcome. 

 Everyone is always welcome. 

Always. 

Just bring your voice, and an open heart. 

And magic can happen, anywhere you are.

And you'll be glad you sang. 

 

 --------------------------------------

My mom found this song today, and I thought it was beautiful. 

Lyrics: 

White the sheep that gave the wool 

Green the pastures where they fed.

 Blue and scarlet side by side

 Bless the warp and bless the thread

 May the charm of lasting life

 Be upon your flocks in full 

From the hill where they rest

 May they rise both whole and well 

 Bless the man who wears this cloth 

May he wounded never be 

From the bitter cold and frost 

May this cloth protection be

 Bless the children warmed within 

Three times three our love enfold Peace and plenty may they find 

May they grow both wise and bold 

 Now is waulked the web we've spun 

Winter storms may rage in vain 

Bless the work by which we won

 Comfort from the wind and rain

 White the sheep that gave the wool Green the pastures where they fed Blue and scarlet side by side Bless the warp and bless the thread

Hilarious Examples Of Mild Vandalism

 

Hymn To the sea

Hi, I wanted to stop in, and be for a minute. 

 We've got three days of various concerts, all in a row, and mostly, my sister and I just want to be in Nature. Sit in the sun.

Maybe sit by the warm stove, drink some tea, make some warm home and heart food, and just be.

So I guess our music will have be our nature, as best we can.

And the people will be trees.

And the seats mountains. 

And the stage lights will be stars.

And the songs will be birds.

And the eyes watching, heart, and soul, sunlight, perhaps.

And hopefully there is something more than just sounds. Maybe we'll remember we're just singing to ourselves, singing with ourselves. Remembering something.

Singing to the oneness. Glory to God. Peace on earth. God in us, God with us. 

Remember.

Remember home. 

Mostly, as I pause, I realize, that doing music together, performing, started off mostly with me and Bessie at the Care center. Singing and making music with old people. After high-school, I was afraid to make much music. Scared of my voice.

Yet, Bessie included me, and encouraged me. And ever since, we've been singing together. And it's taught me a lot. Working as a team, and trying our best to say yes, through challenges, as we manifest very uniquely---and bring that yes, that love wherever we go. The spirit of love, and that third thing, that can come, when you allow. And love. 

I realize that mostly, we are all a bit afraid to make music. And the best thing about performing, anywhere, is the sense of yes, and unfolding and growing, and expanding, and sharing, and allowing yourself, and others. And it can be scary. And sometimes hard. 

Sometimes. Beautiful.

Yet, with all the adventures we've had, all we've seen a lot, how performing brings out the best and worst in people, under pressure---the beautiful bits that happen when we pull together, my sister and I, and choirs, and casts of play members, there sometimes is a remembrance, that were are all just here, singing. Helping each other remember, a truth, that can only really be felt with the heart.

The unity beyond the form. 

Last year, when our Christmas Concert started, a lady accidentally tipped over her Diet soda and ice chunks, and soda were everywhere on stage. So we had to postpone our start, and clean it up. Then she stood up again, and her soda was on her robe, and it tipped over again.

Ice skating on stage.

And it was a very telling thing to see some of the choir members kindness, and also meanness come out. 

She started crying, and Bess and I tried to comfort her, as we cleaned it up. 

The beautiful thing that happened was, later, she told us she thought her friend who had just passed away, had caused it to happen, as she was always tipping her soda, as she was taking her to the hospital. 

Later after the concert, Bess and I got a nameless package in the  mail, with a beautiful note,with two amber bracelets. We believe they came from our choir members family, who had seen the whole thing happening before the concert. And that kind note, really gave me hope, and courage, and comfort when I needed it most.

And that was the best thing about last years Concert. 

A kind note, a spilled soda, seeing who was able to love, and keep their heart singing. 

Love.

I know I haven't been sharing Christmas songs---Technically. But I'm sharing songs that make me feel something. And this soundtrack here, is one I have often listened to and felt my heart. 

It's so beautiful, so soothing. I love the sound of nature. And love the sound of water. And just wordless sounds the voice can make. 

I hope you have a beautiful week. 

 

 

 

idewalk Prophets - I Apologize (Official Lyric Video) Sidewalk Prophets

A beautiful song playing on Pandora today. 

 

 

Nearer, My God, to Thee | BYU Vocal Point ft. BYU Men's Chorus

 

Bird Center Christmas program

 Dear blog, 

 

Today....wait....I just looked at the clock....yesterday, 12th, was a good day. A keeper day.

We had a bird center music program. And though we were tired from all the events this week, Bessie and I both felt the love there. We both felt flowy, and dynamic singing together. It was beautiful, and energizing feeling love being returned. Being able to sculpt energy, and be real, and raw, and involve everyone in our music.

Also one of Bessie's music students performed with us. Also a guy who carries a band of Harmonicas played along with us. While everyone drummed, and jingled, and jangled, and sang, it was really nice.

We have been doing music every day this week. We hadn't really planned anything solid for this program. We just took our big pile of instruments, just grabbed our music, and went. 

We sang my Dad happy Birthday, (his Birthday was the 11th) also brought an angel food cake, I managed to whip up this morning.

We sang songs that people requested. It was funny, because one of the songs everyone got involved in was Rudolf the red nosed reindeer. Everyone sang, and perked up for that song. 

It was good.  Expansive. 

Afterward, we decided to take the day off from our Choir practice, and it just felt nice.

We spent some time, outside, grounding. Walking without shoes in the ditch, and feeling the cold ground, looking at the beautiful mountains, covered in snow.

I put up the Christmas tree. Organized stuff.

Just feel pretty good.

 

So....

The songs for today. 

The first song is a song I've listened to many, many times, as I used to play it a lot while ice skating. I liked the rhythm, and had fun dancing to it.

The second song, I found today, and thought it was beautiful. Powerful. 

I hope your day was a good day too. One filled with loving people. Kind hearts. Warm smiles. Voices of love. Real moments.  Moments you saw a bit yourself, echoed back. 

 A present moment day. That kept you going. Kept you singing.

 

Christmas Rainbows

 

A son dog I spied the other day

Dear blog,

Sometimes after being around big crowds of people, I feel…

I don’t even know how to describe it.

There’s so much muchyness.

Peopleness.

I feel I have to let the dust settle before I write. 

But I wanted to stop in and ground. To say thanks. Thanks for being here with me.

To say hi, and love myself, as best I can, before whatever comes, comes.

The last two days have been viby Vibie. In my house. And also out of the house.

Many much vibes.

Yesterday, I felt nudged to stop by a neighbor's house, I hadn't met yet. The house used to be the Airbnb I had been working at this spring and summer. The lady I was working for rented it out, and I hadn’t yet met the people there.

                So I thought I’d take her some of my comfry cream, and a treat.

                I knocked on the door, and was greeted by a woman, probably my age. She was very kind, and what was interesting, was as I spent many hours at that house, many. It had been mostly decorated like a hotel. Very sterile. But this lady had turned it into a colorful house. Rainbows, everywhere. Colorful carpet. Rainbows in the corner, on the wall, on the rug. Everywhere. It was a lot of rainbows.

                As it turns out she had only met a couple people since she moved in, and was very happy to know someone else.

              
  The thing that really stands out to me.

                Were the rainbows.

      I had long put off visiting our new neighbor.

                And somehow, it seemed a sign to me.

                Part of me had secretly wanted to have the house as my own, as I had spent so much time there, I enjoyed creating my own vibe. And it felt nice.

               When I was taking care of the house, earlier, this year, and the automatic outside tap had malfunctioned, and flooded the outside, and some of the underneath part of the house--- the house had a kind of odd smell. So we had used Bessie’s air filter—from the rainbow vacuum salesperson had given to us, a couple years ago. And that with some essential oils made it smell so nice.

                So anywhow. I just thought it very curious. 

                And as this year, I have tried to look for rainbows.

                So this, seemed like something just for me.

                As the year starts to close.

                Some sort of completion.

                I started working at the Airbnb right as I was busy doing all the spring Choir programs. And now as the winter Christmas programs are all happening.

                I am grateful, that there are rainbows in winter. Even at the years end.

I am thankful for the color in winter. For little signals that God sends after the rain.

Light was here.

People with beautiful hearts, no matter their background, or the stuff they carry.

I appreciate little moments, where I feel nudged, and I follow the nudges, and find color.

And a smile.

And another soul, just wanting to know that they are not alone on this planet.

Last night after choir practice, we had to rush over to a Christmas party, that Bessie’s violin students had asked us to help out with. They were doing a little Flash mob, where we started playing flute, and violin, (silent night) and then random people in the crowd started getting up and singing. Two of her students were playing violin with us, and very nervous.

                It was cute, but so many vibes. It was an interesting dance of trying to keep playing the music, while nearly everyone in the room got up and sang.

                I wasn’t nervous, but something happened, there was so much noise, and kids, and people, and it was like I absorbed some nervousness. I did lose my place for minute, it felt kind of out of body experience. I don’t quite understand why that happens, sometimes.

                It turned out alright.

                Another rainbow moment, was the girl who had sung in our Spring show, and read the narration for it, was there, and she was so kind, and seemed genuinely happy to see us.

               Though, it just was a lot happening yesterday, and the day before.

Another favorite part about yesterday, was a moment, Bess and I took time to practice music, together. And try to remember the words to songs. As it’s always a lot to memorize. What is cool, when we are functioning as a unified unit, as a choir, I feel we can all help each other remember the songs, and words.

This is a painting I did that's sitting on my shelf in my painting room. My rainbow illustration for today.

                Regardless how all these things turn out.

                I like to keep the moments, the rainbow moments, that make you remember to follow nudges, to take time to be here now. As we sail along in this sea of life, spirit gives us color that dances on our waters. Gives us hope, and direction, as we navigate all the waters of life.

                So someday, we will all find the shore, and sea, see all together, the miracles, with eyes combined, and hear the amazing story, the soundtrack that God has been playing every moment of our lives. And see the painting Love has painted in our lives.

                    The rainbow of God's promise.

                    The living color of spirit.

                    Showing us color by color, the beauty, the true colors of God's kingdom.

                

                

Peace on earth, and Amen

Today, Dear blog, 

I am thankful for the Amens. 

Last night was a bigger rehearsal than normal, as Fillmore Choir and the orchestra were combined with our our Choir.

And we had a piano player, a kind lady from Fillmore who volunteered, as Delta didn't have one. We have been practicing with youtube videos. So it's really beautiful to see both sides of the county joining forces to make our Choirs whole.

With so many people, last night, I felt that there was a lot of mind in our Messiah rehearsal. But when we started singing the Amens, it felt like the Amens quieted everyone down, and I felt spirit. 

The Amens that go on forever. Not so many words, just Amen. For a lot of pages. Amen. A lot of them. So many. In many ways, and notes, and all that.

But I felt it. Presence.

And I was glad. Because when you get so many people together, there tends to be a lot of mind, and people worrying about how they sound, and look, and for a moment.

We were just singing Amen together. 

That as beautiful.

I was glad of it.

There are many music events this week, and rehearsals. I'm not sure why there are so many all together.

Many times I feel inadequate.  

Yet, I know that more than how we sound, I know that we are all meant to sing together, to add our heart's song, as we sing out. As we also help make up the difference for each other, as we all come together, as a family of souls, and say, as best we can, that love is the voice, behind our songs.

And to say amen to that, as we live, is beautiful.

Amen moments to the now, as it shows up. As we show up, the notes, and music show up. 

Spirit makes up the difference.

And I want to remember that, that beautiful, amen. The beautiful still point.

A place of peace. 

The real spirit of Christmas. 

The amen.

The grace.

 May we open that gift, now. And now, and now.

 

 So the two songs I'm sharing today,

I heard the bells on Christmas Day, By Casting Crowns. 

 

This is a song I have always loved. 

 

Also, I always think singing the amens, are more fun than listening to them. As it kind of sounds like big beehive. 

 Here is the Song, Worthy is the Lamb. 

May we always have the spirit of Amen in our lives. 

 

 

 

 

Gregorian chants and Harbors

 

Dear Blog,

Yesterday was so very peaceful. My heart was very full. It was a beautiful day. One worth keeping.

I put up Christmas lights, and turned up the Christmas music. I hope I put the lights high enough no goats eat them.  

 It felt very satisfying. I'd been putting off putting them up, because I didn't know if I could keep the goats out of the yard. But I did put them up higher. And they look so cheerful. It makes me glad.

I am thankful. 

I’m thankful for safe spaces. For warm embraces, for those who look for ways of peace.

I am thankful for kind souls. I’m thankful for places where love can be felt, and soil that is willing to grow the love that is planted there.

I am thankful for beautiful words.

 I’m thankful for good hearts.

For gentle things.

For quiet nights.

And peaceful souls.

For soft music, for words of comfort, and encouragement.

I am thankful for light.

For lamps. And Candles, and eyes that shine with that inner light of spirit.

I am thankful for the sun, for its warm rays, for the truth it shines out. For eyes to see it.

I am thankful for Christmas lights, for lights that shine and cheer the night.

For stars, and moon.

For people who have made their hearts shelters, and harbors, places of peace and rest.

I am thankful for peace.

For the quiet abode of my soul, whose song so beautiful, it always sings out. A chant, you can’t miss.

I am thankful for these spaces.

Bessie and I have been listening to Gregorian chants, and I find them very soothing. 

This was one I found this morning. It's so beautiful. The other two are also beautiful.