Friday, July 27, 2018

Eye Wonder

I AM SUPER excited to announce that after a year and a half working on this project off and on with my mom, my mom's Eye Wonder picture book is finally out!

This super cute picture book is written and illustrated by my amazingly talented mom, Jeanette Skeem.

I'm her formatting design assistant, helping her put it together. It's a 74pg funny play on words picture book, with many clever illustrations.

If you think you know someone who likes play on words books, I'd be super stoked if you shared this link. :) Thank you!!!

She can whip out illustrations faster than I can put them together. She pretty much has four more Eye Wonder books nearly illustrated. (And all of them are amazingly clever, funny, and cute)

So stay tuned for several more books in the the near future.

Monday, April 30, 2018

What if we treated each other like we were visiting a new country?


I am quite fascinated with human psychology. Whenever I have the chance, I'm usually listening, reading, or watching videos that will better help me understand myself, and other people.

            I find that there is always something to learn, or something new unlearn about myself and others. Something new to discover.

One thing I find quite interesting is the fact everyone seems to feel like an outsider of sorts. Everyone feels not understood, lonely, or disconnected---like we don't fit in. No matter where you go, you hear or see this call, like an SOS written on the sand of some marooned castaway. Like a message in a bottle, desperately trying to reach some soul, the call is always the same:

   "Help. I'm lonely. Does anyone hear me? Does anyone understand? Am I the only one who feels alone?"

            No matter who you talk to, even people who you think are popular, and have it all together say the same thing, "No one gets me, it feels like I'm just an island."

 Or, "I feel like an outsider all the time."


Then the funny thing is, the more I learn about people, and listen to them, the more I find that all people feel this way at some point.

            The people who feel judged, judge the people who judge them, and vise versa. And it never seems to end.


I did an experiment and went to a wide variety of diverse Churches over the course of a few weeks, and quite enjoyed my experience. It was most enlightening, and I felt quite free doing it.

            At one church I ate brownies, while enjoying a wonderful sermon.

            At a different church they had a practice where you hugged everyone there before any preaching went on. I actually think I got hugged twice by everyone.

            At another Church we sang very long hymns, and the preacher quite intimated me after the services trying to make me stay.

            Another Church, the preacher preached very forcefully, echoing loudly through the church walls, rattling my bones.

            Some believed that women could preach.

            Others did not.

            Some were more open.

            Some were not.

            But all were unique and different.

            I came with the intent of learning, and was not disappointed.

I discovered one common thread.

            No matter what Church I went to, I sensed the a profound love, and sincerity, and a desire not to be alone, to be understood, and loved, and a deep connection with God. They looked at a newcomer carefully, almost a little afraid, but they were all loving, generous, and gracious, and welcomed me with open arms.

            I, in turn, welcomed them. And I felt like I had discovered something beautiful, new, and loved each one for their unique differences.

               Another common thread I felt with all of them, was that they seemed to feel judged by the other religions in the area, and a little afraid that no one quite understood them. Each Church seemed to assume they knew what the other people believed, and thought who went to the other religions. But all were basically the same. All the people were kind. All were smart, sweet, and good. All desired to connect to God, to each other, and to feel love, to not be alone, and not to be judged, to have someone understand them.

  Here was the SOS again.  

  In effect, it seems that the cry to be understood, and and seen for who we really are is universal.  We are all souls who have a thirst to be understood, and to understand, to connect, and to share.

           It doesn't matter what ladders we climb, we all want connection.  But this modern society seems to breed the opposite of what we actually desire, and need.

            We all want to feel understood, important, with our intent for our actions not to be judged.

            We want to be seen.

But so little of us ever feel like we are.

            We seem to fill up this lonely void with social media, videos, meaningless interactions, half planned parties, empty conversations about our occupations, accomplishments, or next step we are going to take up the ladder of success. We put up barbs of defiance to keep anyone from getting into our mighty fortress.

    But we don't seem to talk, do, or connect with anything that is real, even when we have the chance, for fear that it will crumble our walls.

            This adds to the hunger. It's like we have a tape worm of the soul, and our modern society is the worst tape worm of all because the more you consume, the more we peruse the grand illusion of what we think we need, the thinner, more mal-nourished, and hungrier we become.  It's an never ending cycle,  that is never going to fill that void, and was never meant to.

    Real connection can't be automated, and isn't a thing you can synthesize in Churches, schools, or meetings just because you put it in your planner. It happens despite the system, because there are real people, with real hearts, and real dreams, with real voices and minds willing to be vulnerable, and real themselves. Willing to give love without condition.

            We hunger to visit foreign lands, to go on adventures, to see knew things, to expand our life. We post pictures of exotic foods we've tried, and the vacations that we take, all in a desperate attempt to find value in our life, and to share, to connect. To say, "Hey, I am here. This is my land."

            But what if instead of always hungering for the next grand adventure to an exotic land, we would treat ourselves, and the people closest to us like the next grand adventure, like the next foreign land we are going to visit, and learn about.

   What if, when we visited with another human, we greeted them like we were visiting a foreign country we were going to reside in for the next year.

            That would be truly life changing for everyone.

            The lonely souls in this world would suddenly feel like their language was understood, that their life was worth getting to know.

             What a marvelous thought.

             Brothers, sisters, mother's, fathers, Grandparents, friends, neighbors, strangers---each one is a new country, just like ourselves. Even people we think we may know, are people that we probably know the least.

            What if when we came into the realm of another, we took off our 'shoes' in respect, put away previous prejudices, erased all previous conceptions we have about that soul, and visited this 'new country' like it was the first time we have ever been to their land. We would learn their stories, share in their life experiences, partake in reverence of what they hold dear. 
 We would ask new questions, we would taste new flavors, we would try new experiences. We ourselves would be changed.

            We wouldn't compare. Only learn. Appreciate. Discover. Explore. And come away enlightened.

            But to do something like that is extremely vulnerable. Who wants to visit a land they know nothing about? And even if you think you know something about that country, when you get there, and really immerse yourselves in this new land, you will probably be taken back by the fact that this new land is so very different from your own.

            You may not want to stay. You may hate it. Everything will feel strange, and new, and weird.

            Things will be uncomfortable at first---they always are.

            You may be repulsed at first, perhaps they do things so differently from you. You may want to destroy this new land, and change it to a place you can accept with ease. You may wish to invade this new land, change the layout of its cities, uproot its weeds, tear down the walls, conquer its oil, plunder its riches, reform its educational system, give it a new god, a new religion, take away its heritage, and give it your own.

            That is what most of us do when we visit a 'new land.'  Consciously, or unconsciously done. No matter our 'good' intent, the effects are still the same.

            More isolation.

            More war.

            More desolation.



            That is what we will reap.
           Hearts that are frosting over, cold, and isolated.

Tall towers, thicker walls. Islands that are unvisited, surrounded by miles of ocean.  Marooned on our own beautiful land, with no one to share its beauty with, for fear of having the typhoon of judgment passed on our sacred land.

      In order to keep foreign invaders out, to keep our lands safe, and our temples from being destroyed---the sacred things we hold dear, we will build up walls, towers, dig moats, deep trenches, guard our walls with zeal, and keep all who would enter, out.

            High fences, trip wires, alarm systems. Better security.

            This is what keeps our 'country' safe.

            This is what I do, this is what you do. For if anyone ever enters in, there is always a fear that, if you begin to show anyone your prosperity, or your poverty, your strengths or weakness, if you show them your ways, they may plunder your land, or dig up what you have planted, and you will starve, and feel much more lonely an isolated than before.  You cannot share, if you don't feel safe.  

            So the walls continue to go up.

            Fear reigns.

            Plunder happens.
            Trading of ideas, and thoughts come to a halt.

            Dreams go unshared.

            Ideas go unheard.

            Languages die.

            Cultures suffer.

            Wonderful, beautiful, wildly happy moments never happen.

            Learning suffers.

            Barriers go up.

            Connections are severed.

            People talk, but no one listens.

            People listen, but never talk.

            We may visit, we leave cookies on the porch, throw bread baskets over the walls, toss tomatoes, cast our judgments, peek through facebook portholes, peeking in at people's lives, but never getting to know them like we could. 

            Such abundance, a life of meaning together, all locked up safely in the lands of our well guarded souls.  

            Children feel isolated.

            Suicide climbs.

            Our meaningful conversations get smaller, our TVs get bigger, and so does the oceans between our islands.

            But now more than ever we need brave explorers to embark to new worlds. To sail away from what we know, not to plunder, to conquer, or destroy----But with the pure intent to learn, grow, and connect on a deep level. To discover life on new planets, besides our own.

            To learn that we are not alone in the universe.


  But to visit a new land, especially one that's been plundered by Vikings, you have to be kind, soft, and patient.  It may take a long time to get a Visa. Especially if you were once a Viking yourself.

 You may have to bide your time, and wait, and knock on their door, send letters, drive long distances, and do nothing but listen, show your intent to understand the messages they have been sending out into the universe.

            To visit a new land you have to be open, and receptive, intuitive, kind, willing to try new flavors you may not like.

            You must sit quietly, talk softly. Be constant, kind, attentive, truly interested in learning what you did not know before.

            The second you draw your sword of judgment, the game is over.

            You are banished, evicted.

            Weapons must be buried.

            All wounds and tender bruises, vulnerabilities must be exposed on both sides.

            That is where connection happens, for then you both learn that you are both human.

    You are both on new soil.

            At first you will probably feel very uncomfortable.

            In this new land they may not talk like you. You will probably have to learn a foreign language---perhaps communicate with only your hands, or feet, or with pictures, until you both learn enough about each other to speak in ways that you both can understand.

            But love is a universal language, so if you have love, you will be okay.

            You will have to learn their habits. Accept their hospitality, and embrace what you may not understand.

            But if you are really open to visiting this new land, you don't mind. You know that when visiting a foreign land things will probably be uncomfortable at first. Theirs is a different world from yours, but that's why you came in the first place, to learn their culture, to share in their history, and to embrace a life, as they embrace yours.

     Their eating habits may be different.

            Their sleeping habits will be too.

            Their clothes may look strange.

            Their religion will most likely not match your own.


            Their hopes my differ from your own.

            Their education, goals, and desires may be just foreign to you as well.

            You may not understand why they grow what they do in their soil, until you begin to work along side them, and see the seeds grow as you plant them, a soil you'll come to love just as much as your own.

            But each new thing you discover is like gold mined, like rubies polished, like diamonds uncovered, as precious as water, and nourishing as food.

            Two souls.


            The walls tumble down.

            The SOS written on the sand is washed away.

            You are castaways no more. No longer adrift. No longer savages on an island.

            Your message in the bottle was found. So was theirs.

            You understand.

            You feel understood.
  A bridge has been built. Two bridges, in fact. But not by hands. But with hearts.

            You learn.

            They learn.

            Fear crumbles.

            A language is learned.

And you learn that you are not alone, like you thought you were. Not at all.

            Is there life on other planets? Is there new soil yet to be discovered---New tribes to be found, dead languages that can be revived?


            Oh yes.

            As long as there is life, as long as there is another soul on this planet, there is always something new to be discovered. A connection to be made. A view to be shared.




Sunday, April 22, 2018

Walking Grounded


Happy earth day! I thought it very appropriate that this post be about earthing, seeing how today is earth day!

Spring is here, or shall I say, spring is here today---but tomorrow it may be winter. You never know what season it may be outside tomorrow, especially if you live where I do.

This morning I woke up I felt as springy as the weather. The birds were also singing their springtime sonnet, chirping back and forth to one another, glad to be alive.   It was warm outside, the crab apple tree outside my window, though sparse in pink blossoms, smelled delicious!

            I promptly went outside to greet the new day, with a purpose in mind, to sink my bare toes into the warm earth.

            But before I did, I visited my two baby goats that were born yesterday, to my momma goat, (The black pearl) Named appropriately for so many reasons.
Her naughtiness is never ending. She broke her leg a couple years ago because she likes to leap over everything, and into everything. 
Lucky for her the vet reset her leg, and she healed up nicely. But oh, she has never ceased to get into all sorts of scrapes. The day before she gave birth, she got into a five gallon bucket of grain, and I thought she was going to bloat up and explode from her greedy guts. But instead of popping, she popped out two beautiful healthy babies.

            She also is very difficult to catch to be milked. The only way I can catch her is to hold a rope out, (she likes the rope) and hold out my hand and dangle some goody for her be tempted into the rope.

            Sometimes all I have to do get snag her is to bring out the rope, and she associates it with goodies.

            And then I've caught her!

            Despite her follies, she is a fantastic milk goat, and she gives the creamiest milk---hence she has a few redeeming qualities.  Plus her babies are really cute.


            How did I get from springtime to goats? 


            That was my goal.

            After I checked on my goats, I took off through the alfalfa field, and made my way to sanctuary---my special place where I think, write poems in my head, plot my next stories, and connect with myself, and the earth. And have long, wonderful conversations with my sister, when we walk barefoot together.

            This sanctuary is actually not that secret, actually out in the open under the blue sky, at end of my dad's hay field.

            That is where I ground. I take off my shoes, and socks, and walk in the dirt. It's the only place I've found that actually feels good on my bare toes. Everywhere else is either too prickly, too cement-y, too poisoned with pesticides, or too roady. Which is sad, because you'd think that out here in the country there would be more real dirt roads you could sink your bare toes into.

            Once I get to the end of the field, I walk back and forth from end to end, alongside a smooth, clay, dirt road that used to be an old irrigation ditch.

            Soon that road will be turned into a cement ditch too.

            But for now, this patch of dirt is my happy place.

            Before, it was just an old, dusty, ugly dirt road.

            But now it's something much more special.

            It became special only after my sister and I learned how good grounding is for you, and we began looking for places on which our tender toes could walk without getting prickled.

            I was a bit skeptical upon learning that walking barefoot was good for you. I mean stepping on nails, and sticks aren't good for your feet! Who walks barefoot anyway? Poor shoeless people, and children!

            But as what usually happens, I began reading, and I changed my mind. I learned that grounding can reduce inflammation, promote healing, help with biological rhythms, reduce arthritis, give you energy, and help your health in so many positive ways that I decided that though my toes were tender, and I hardly ever walked barefoot, I would give it a try, and see how I felt.

            After all, as kids we all went barefoot. Who knew it was actually the best thing for our immune systems!

            I didn't. 

            Plus if you live in the cities, where can you logically walk barefoot? Where can you ground?

          I do not know.                 

            It sounds silly to say it, but once I started walking barefoot it was addicting. Walking barefoot is consoling, soothing even. At first you dislike it, because your feet are soft, and used to feeling the safety of your shoe. Every slightly pointy object becomes an enemy. But then the more you push through the pain of the prickles, you begin to notice the textures of everything you walk on. It's a sensory experience. Your feet send you loads of information as you walk. You begin to notice the dusty, salty texture of the earth, the cool mud between your toes. You walk slowly, even reverently. You are more careful of where, and how you step. You become more conscious of where you are going, and the ground you walk on.

You feel the lumps, and the bumps, the cool mud, the velvety texture of the powdered salty earth, the hard rock-like soil, the pricks of the salt grass, the sticks, and the sharp stuff you wish you didn't step on.

            The more you push through the uncomfortable bits, the more you begin to like it, the more you crave to walk barefoot, and the tougher your feet become, and the more clear your mind feels.

            When I'm out in public, and begin to feel the stress rise, both me and my sister have the same wish---to walk barefoot, to be and the end of our field, walking the in the dirt, the grass, and dandelions.

            It sounds odd, and a little strange. But it's one of my newfound pleasures. It's delicious to my soul. And I don't get tired of it. This morning, as the sun was beginning to rise I could feel the heat of it on my back, and the cool morning air on my face.  Cars were passing by,  probably hurrying to get to church. As the cars passed by, I wondered how I must look, walking back and forth, barefoot through the field.

            Strange, crazy even.

            But walking on the dirt feels anything but.

            Walking barefoot with my feet caressing the soil, beneath the sky, and connected to my own thoughts, has brought me more peace of mind than walking under man-made sanctuary.

            It sounds silly.

            But that is how I feel. When I walk through the dirt, my feet connected to the ground, it makes me feel more wild, more free, and more quiet in my mind, and more mindful of each step.

            Anxiety fades, and I feel less alone.

It's almost like I can sense the size of God, and the size of my problems in comparison, and all the things get put into proper perspective.

            Things that were important, now seem silly.


            Like a tree.



            Not in such a hurry.


            After I get my fill of walking in the softer dirt, I usually walk back to the house, through the alfalfa field, and brave the sharp sticks, and tread on the dandelions. But when walking through the field you have to be more careful.

            There are more things that can poke your skin. But this too, is like meditation for me. It empties my mind, and I plant one foot in front of the other, and concentrate on my next step. I have to concentrate. Nothing matters except the next step. If I don't pay attention, my feet will feel it. I follow the path of dandelions that spread out in front of me like a road of sunshine, soft, cool, warm, tender, the perfect carpet. Their feathery blossoms are ever so soft, and cool, yet their yellow buds are warm from the heat of the sun. It's like stepping on a carpet of sunshine.

            Though I do wonder if I'll end up stepping on a bee one day.

            It could happen.

            I've stepped on sticks that brought blood.

            Thus far I've been lucky. And each day my feet are getting tougher.

            After I walked on the carpet of dandelion blossoms this morning, my feet were covered in yellow pollen.

            Fairy dust.

            Sometimes mud.

            Sometimes snow even.

            Sometimes in the wind.

            I've grounded in some pretty interesting weather.

            I worry that I'll be sleeping with my grounding wire, when a thunderstorm comes up, and Zap!

            Crazy as it sounds, I've taken my van to the end of the road, loaded up my mom, with her walker, and taken my mom walking barefoot as the sun set, at the end of the road. My mom is a good sport.


            I've walked barefoot through the mud, and snow with my sister last week just after the snow fell. I walked until my feet became numb, and I had to stick them back into their boots to get warm.

            I've walked in the mud right after it rained, and got my feet so caked with mud, I was scraping mud out of my shoe for a week afterwards. 

Today my sister, my mom and I went to the sand dunes and enjoyed walking through the sand, and watching the sun set over the beautiful hills. The sand felt cool, and vibrant from the rain we had a couple days ago. It's been a while since I've been to the dunes, and as a kid I enjoyed visiting there as often as I could. It's funny how you forget simple pleasures you had as a kid, and how wonderful they still are, if you let yourself enjoy them. 


 As I was writing this post I didn't even realize it was earth day, until I went to the sand dunes, and my sister told me of this fact. 

I told her I was blogging about earthing, and thought it was an appropriate subject for the day, especially since the day had been so beautiful, and we had spent so much time out in it.

     It's funny, but earlier, as I was walking through the field today, I surmised, that perhaps wars might not exist if everyone's shoes were confiscated, and we had to get everywhere we had to go with our own two naked feet.

            Maybe we'd be more connected to the earth, and to each other.

      If we were mindful of each step, maybe we wouldn't worry so much about how our neighbor stepped.

            Maybe if we were more grounded we wouldn't plant thorns because we would know that not only our neighbor would be walking that same path, but we would end up treading on the thorns we ourselves had planted.

            Maybe we wouldn't leave our garbage on the path.

            Maybe we wouldn't put poison on the soil.

            Maybe we wouldn't cover the real things in life, with hard cement of indifference.

            Maybe we would walk differently, not so fast, and the point of our getting anywhere would be the journey, not just the destination, because we could actually feel the road we were walking on.

Maybe we wouldn't judge the roads our neighbor walked on so much, because we were so engrossed in walking with intention on our own path.

            Maybe we wouldn't be so quick to walk away from those we cared about, because we were deeply grounded, and connected to what mattered.

            Maybe we would find meaning in the simple things.

            And maybe that might be kind of nice.

To be grounded.


This is the book I'd recommend on grounding for those crazy enough consider the idea.

Sunday, April 8, 2018

Migraine headaches and Amalgam Mercury fillings


I haven't blogged since last year.

That is a new record for sure.

I was sitting on my couch the other day wondering why this was, and couldn't come up with a plausible answer, only that I haven't made time for it, and that I'd gotten out of the habit of blogging.

            Not a good thing to do, especially if you enjoy it. It's like a therapy. I like writing because I listen to people a lot, and usually don't say much. So on paper, I get to say the thoughts that don't get a chance to get air.

            Hence, my sudden appearance. Spring resolutions. The urge to write. And a little remorse for abandoning such a trusty blog.
            The only problem is, is when you get out of the habit of doing something, it takes much more effort and resolve to do it.

            Then there's the daunting thought of trying to write down a years worth of interesting events in one post. I think that thought alone kept me from writing, and the old stories got buried by the new ones---creating a constipated writer, and a constipated blog.

            So I'm giving my blog an enema.
                        Or maybe some ex-lax!!!!

                        Yes I do believe my blog needs a liver cleanse.

                        Lots of lemon juice, and oil, and....
            If you can't tell, I am on cleanse right now,(for real) and the detox is now spreading to my writing.



            Do you wish to read further?
            Read only if you dare.
            Cover your eyes.
            Maybe your computer screen even.

            Detoxes can be....detoxifying.

            The pouring fourth of words may be only something my eyes should see.
            Seriously. I don't know what words will spill out, or if they'll even make any sense.

            In all seriousness, I am doing a special heavy metal detox liver /parasite cleanse. And feel like I've been starving myself on and off for a while. If you've ever done a cleanse you'll know what I'm talking about. Please note before reading further that these are my health observations only, my words are not meant to treat, or cure, or diagnose you, your children or your family in anyway. I am not a doctor. I'm just a person interested in health, happiness, life.

            So now that we got that out of the way.
            Health/heavy metal detoxing----That is the headline for today.

            I told you this would be a scary blog post. 

            For the past week I have wanted brownies!!!
            Hungered for brownies.
            Dreamed about brownies.
            I think detoxing brings out my inner chocolate gremlin.

I've been hungering for mint layer brownies to be precise. My resolve to eat healthy has been dwindling...I'm worried that I may succumb to goodies, and then what will I do? This post will be for naught, and I'll be a hypocrite.

            But alas, I must confess, the other day I looked up a recipe for the above said mint layer brownies, then I made them!
            I know. The horror.
            I did.
            It was very satisfying too.
Then to preserve my self control, I chopped them up in tiny bite size pieces, put them in the freezer outside, so it would be harder for me to get at.
            But not so hard.
            I've been going out there and eating them in ravenous delight from time to time.

            Oh the shame.
            You, dear blog, are my brownie confessional. Oh forgive me. I did enjoy eating them.
            And while I'm confessing, I also ate a cookie that was sitting on the cabinet this morning. But that was after I ran a mile, so maybe it evaporated before it had a chance to stay around.
            I shall hope.
            What shall I do as penance?
            Eat five heads of broccoli?
            Two cabbages?
            Twenty carrots?
          A pile of juicy tomatoes?  Sixty jalapenos?  Or that one kind of vegetable I can never remember its name but it smells like dirty socks when you cook it. Ugg, my stomach churns at the thought.


            You're probably wondering why I am doing a heavy metal detox? Why I'm confessing to eating chocolate brownies.

            I'm actually wondering that myself.
            Maybe it's because I'm crazy. Maybe it's because I'm worried that I'm crazy, and don't want to be crazy, so I'm trying lots of health things, that sound crazy so I don't have to worry about being crazy. And this just sounds crazy.  
            Oh dear.
            Truth be told what started my desire to detox was because at the beginning of the year my sister and I got all of our amalgam fillings removed, (it was very expensive)  and replaced with special composite ones, at a special biological dentist. The biological dentist is different from a conventional dentist because he is especially trained to safely remove mercury fillings. He uses a special dam inside your mouth to keep you from swallowing amalgam shards. He also puts a oxygen mask over your nose to protect you from breathing in the mercury vapors that are released when they drill them out.

            You're probably thinking, that is crazy! Why would you waste all that time, and money on getting your amalgam fillings replaced if you didn't have to?

            I actually thought the idea was crazy too when I first heard about it--nuts actually.
Who believes in that amalgam stuff anyway? Quacks.
            That's what I thought until I actually learned where the term quack came from. I wasn't so quick to judge then.

         Plus I fear dentists! So the thought of going to a dentist to have them redo work another dentist has already done was something I didn't just decide overnight.   
            My fear of sitting at a dentist chair is bone chilling.
            My hands and feet get icy cold, and even though I'm freezing in the dentist chair, I begin to sweat, and while I'm in the chair, I forget to breathe.

            And when I forget to breathe, my heart starts to pound----and then I feel like I'm going have a heart attack....

 So why do you ask? Why would someone who has a petrifying fear of dentists willingly seek them out, and have them take out perfectly good amalgam fillings?

            Why is because I'm deeply interested in health, especially mental health, and wellness. I'm constantly searching for answers in this world where there are so many physical and mental health issues.  I spent hours, and hours searching other people's blog posts, and stories on the subject until I was absolutely convinced that I needed to get them out of my mouth.

            Plus I figured if I was wrong, I didn't have much to lose, and I was willing to be a my own guinea pig. I decided to test it out and see if my own health improved.
            That's why I did it.
            At the time I had about 4 1/2 amalgam fillings in my mouth. But they were deep, and nearly to the root, which makes the mercury go into the bloodstream.
            The dentist also found that under all of them there was quite a bit of rot. Lovely. I guess it's normal for amalgam fillings to weaken the tooth, and create decay. 

            However I've had probably dozens of amalgam filings throughout my life, I can't think of a time that I haven't been exposed to mercury. As a kid I had tons of mercury fillings, some I accidentally swallowed when they fell out, some were removed by normal dentist (which is very dangerous to your health) but I had no idea at the time. So if you ever consider getting your mercury fillings removed, make sure for your own health, to do your research and find a mercury safe dentist to safely remove them.
             Your body can store mercury in your tissues, and even your brain even after you have the mercury removed. Heavy metals are tough to get out of your system because your body stores them, kind of like a hoarder, thinking its useful, and will save the heavy metals for later. But all the heavy metals do is slow down your system, make it harder for your body to work, and eventually it builds up, like piles of junk making your house unusable, dirty, and unable to live in.

            When I was first learning about mercury, the more I researched on the subject of mercury the more disturbed I became for many reason.
            One reason was that I was disturbed was that I had been vaguely aware that mercury was bad, and shouldn't be in our mouths. But because I had no idea how to even begin to change what had already been done in my mouth, I  always looked the other way, and dismissed the idea. It wasn't and still isn't a pleasant subject, just like if you bring up vaccines.
            You know what I mean? It's a hot topic, where someone is likely to get burned, stoned, or worse. But truly, honestly, wouldn't it be nice if we all were able to have a conversation with zero accusations, with the intention to learn, to understand, and be understood. To realize that pro vaccine, or anti vaccine, we all want what's best. Truly.

   I've always been up in the air in regards to vaccines until I did some in depth research about mercury in vaccines.  I didn't realize that Thimerosal in vaccines contains toxic mercury, not to mention aluminum.  But that is another conversation for another time.
            Lets just say Mercury is one of the most toxic substances known to man, but we put it in our mouths, and inject it into our kids.

            It can cause our bodies so many problems.
            Psychological problems.
            Physical problems.
            Mental problems.
            Emotional problems.
            It can mimic symptoms of MS.
            Stomach problems.
            Gum problems.
            It can lodge in your brain and cause Alzheimer's.
            It can cause depression.
            Neurological disorders.
            The list is so long it's disturbing. 

            During my research I delved deep into the history of mercury and found interesting tidbits that gave me more reasons for my theory. It became a pet research subject of mine whenever I had free time.  Just when I thought I couldn't find anything else on the subject a new google search would turn up new gems.
            I learned that some of the worlds most beloved artists/musicians and leaders had been exposed to high amounts of  mercury, led, and other heavy metals, which in my belief, may have caused their poor health, and sometimes their erratic behavior.

            I'll only list a few gems I found out during my research

            Ever heard of Mad hatters disease? Workers in the felt industry used to make the felt soft by peeing on it. One worker who peed on the felt had syphilis, who was being treated for his condition with mercury. They noticed that his pee made the felt particularly soft, so they began using mercury in the production of felt, which poisoned their workers.
            You can read more about it here:

            The German word for Mercury  is "quacksalber." And doctors and dentist who used mercury in their practice were called quacks.

              You can read more about that here:

            Mercury was used to treat syphilis.
            You can read about that here :


            Mercury was used to treat sore gums in children, causing pinks disease.

            Mercury had anti bacterial effects, and they used it in first aide solutions.
            I even found some old mercurial ointment in my medicine cabinet that my mom used to put on our wounds as kids.

            Louisa may Allcot was treated with mercury after she caught typhoid, and had poor health until her death.

            Prior to George Washington's death he was given calomel(a mercury solution) before he died.
            Abraham Lincoln would treat his depression with little blue pills--the key ingredient in them was mercury.

            The Romans used to send condemned men into mercury mines, because they knew that within a short time the workers would get sick and eventually die.

That's just some of the interesting tidbits I found on the internet.

Truth be told, it took my sister and I lot of guts to actually find a biological dentist even remotely close to where I live, and take the expensive plunge, and get them safely removed. Our friends and family thought we were crazy. But we did it anyway.

            At the dentists, I didn't know what to expect. A biological dentist is just safer, more conscientious, and educated when it comes to mercury. I found that wearing a oxygen mask while he worked on my teeth was actually pleasant. It was not as constricting as I thought it would be, and I actually liked it, because you don't smell all the junk coming in and out of your mouth while they work on you.
The first dental visit I had a check up, and it took several hours because he was very, very thorough. I got a 3D scan of my entire mouth, and learned things about my teeth I wasn't sure I wanted to know. But he was very kind, and took several hours with me and my sister, discussing the Xrays in depth, and outlined what we both needed to do next.
            The second visit, I got two of my amalgams removed, and the dentist gave me some vitamins to help take out the heavy metals in my system.
That was when I decided to keep a log of how I felt afterward, just so I could decide based on my own experience if the whole thing was worth it.
                      This is my not so scientific health log. You can skip past this part, but I'm including it for my own documentation.
            Day one of getting them out, I felt energized, and actually felt really good. But my teeth were really sore. But I was very happy to have the part of the poison out of my mouth!
Day two after having to of my fillings removed I had the most Massive migraine. It developed right after I took the heavy metal cleansers the dentist gave me! It felt like my head was so pressurized my brains were going to explode. I also felt this weird tingling sensation like bugs are crawling in my brain. The creepy crawly sensation also started tingling at top part of my cheek where I had one of my fillings removed.
My headache was so bad. I was so miserable I wanted to die. Eventually I took two Excedrin at the end of the day, and felt a lot better
Day three
I woke up early feeling pretty good, I had energy from the Excedrin I took from the previous day, but felt a little weird. I think the caffeine from the pills was still in my system.
Day four I felt like a zombie, like I've hung upside down and my head is floaty, zero energy, feel like my limbs have no strength in them. I feel a little dizzy, my head still has weird prickling sensations like bugs crawling in my brains, and sharp pains in the top part of my scull.
Day five, (new years day) I noticed that I'm dreaming a lot! Slept in, felt like I could keep on sleeping, still feeling a lot of lethargy, having a hard time focusing. My teeth are still sensitive, and I'm wishing I felt a little more peppy. Went on a walk and notice that my eyesight feels brighter, clearer. I still have that creepy bug, tickling, crawling feeling in my head, and now above the tooth that had the filing removed, I know that sounds weird, but it feels like my eyesight is getting better, like someone washed the windshield of my eyes. Still skeptical. I'm wondering what it would be like if I actually had all of my fillings out at once.
Day six
Woke up at seven, liver hurting, but feel energized, feel like I can breath very well out of both nostrils. That makes me happy!!!  Thinking the glutathione that my sister gave me to take is making me feel like I have a bit more energy. It's supposed to help detox heavy metals. Went back to bed, dreamed a lot more about flying, woke up feeling tired, but had enough energy to work out, ice skate, and actually get some work done.
Day seven
Woke up a little tired. My stomach was a bit upset, but overall had a lot more energy. Took some more cleansing supplements, and some more glutathione. Was able to ice skate, and two an hour of tiebo. Towards evening I had a slight headache on the side of my head that still has amalgam fillings.
Day eight
Woke up and took a lot of cleansing herbs, didn't eat much until two, and still had energy. Though the side of my face where I got the amalgams out feels swollen, pressured, and pretty crappy honestly. Wondering if my teeth on that side are okay, or if a storm is just coming and my wisdom teeth are telling me so.
Either way, I'm not sure what to think.
Day nine
Felt very, very sleepy, took a lot of cleansing herbs, there was a lot of pressure on the side of my mouth where my amalgams were, so I took some Echinacea and did some lymph exercises.
Day ten,
Still pretty tired, but making myself do work, and feel medium okay, less pressure on the right side of my face, and feeling hopeful. Still taking the cleansing herbs the dentist gave me.
Day eleven Feeling a bit tired, it's my period, so my legs are aching something terrible, more than normal.
Day Twelve second day of cramps, (my legs ache) And I have pretty horrid cramps towards the first part of the day.
Day 13, Woke up with a headache in the left side of my neck, but I have more energy than normal, and am able to get a lot more stuff done, towards evening the headache came back, and I feelt like crap. I did some Tiebo and my sister gave me some glutathione, and some heavy metal chelators. About an hour goes by, and my head feels so much better. I have tons more energy, and now I'm up, wanting to get more stuff done. I feel a lot better.
Hope this is for keeps.

That was as far as I got with doing a daily log of how I felt.
During those first days of having a couple of my amalgams removed I had more bad days, than good days, and my teeth were super sensitive afterwards, so I couldn't chew on anything hard. I was tired, and my head ached a lot.

            Doesn't sound fun, but I honestly am grateful I chose to do it now than later.

I eventually figured out that the heavy metal chelators the dentist gave me was stirring up the metals already in my system and making me feel worse. So I began taking  liposomal glutathione and liposomal vitiman C--it's basically more absorbable in this form, and helps your body detox in a better way.
And the number one supplement that actually made a difference in helping me feel much better, is a sulfur compound called IMD Quicksilver Scientific.

If you mix it with unfiltered water it tastes like skunks, but if you put it filtered water it's drinkable. The only beef I have with it is that it's oober expensive. $130.00 a bottle, and if you take too much it can give you a headache. I have to remember to drink lots of water with it. Note again, that I'm not recommending you take any of these supplements, or try  the path I took, I'm just telling you what I did, and am doing. I honestly think that some people's body's are so toxic that unless they have a skilled doctor, or holistic health doctor guiding them through their detox, a detox  could do more harm than good, and recirculate toxins in their body. 

As I was saying, this supplement IMD is a heavy metal chelator, and cleans out toxins through your poo. Some days it gave me headaches, but one day it also relived a terrible migraine I had. It really depends on where you're at in your cleansing. People say it takes years to cleanse heavy metals. Cheery thought.
            Yes, it's expensive, but I honestly think it's worth it, so I'll probably buy another bottle when I'm finished with the first one. 

Towards the end of January I moved up my next dentist appointment sooner, and I got my other three fillings out. I had two mercury fillings, and a piece of mercury under a white filling from a previous dentist.

After I got my last mercury fillings removed, my lymph glands on that side were very swollen, and I felt super forgetful, and loopy. It actually scared me a little. I've always had trouble remembering names, and numbers, so I was worried the recirculating heavy metals were going to wipe out what funky memory I did have.
            And then both sides of my teeth were very sore!! I seriously couldn't chew anything very hard. Crackers were painful to chew. I had a hard time eating anything for a while.
            It was the ultimate diet plan.

            It's now been a couple months since getting all of my fillings removed, and my teeth are less sore than they were.  But they are honestly still pretty tender if I chew on something  very crunchy. But considering I had very deep fillings, I guess it will just take time.
            I've been cleansing, and been eating so much garlic that when I walk past my mom she cringes, wrinkles up her nose, and asks if anyone smells skunks.
            I have days were I feel like the energizer bunny, full of motivation, and energy, and clear thinking, and other days were I feel the complete opposite.
            Cleansing is a strange subject. You mention the word and people look pale, and get a distant look in their eye of disgust, horror.
            And rightfully so.
            It's not so fun.
            But being sick isn't any fun either.
            It takes self discipline.
            And sometimes you feel worse before you feel better.
            Am I crazy?
            Am I feeling better.
            Some days.
            Do I think it's worth it?
            Yes. But I don't think that everybody can cleanse, because some people are so toxic it might cause more problems than it's worth. Do your research! Do your homework.
            Listen to your body.
            Consult your doctor.
            Be wise.
            Some people are too toxic to cleanse without proper medical help.
            I am just a random soul, writing about my own experiences, willing to be my own guinea pig. Everybody's bodies are different. I believe that some people are more sensitive to mercury than others----I think I and my family are very sensitive to it.
            I also believe you need to do your research about heavy metal detoxing, because you can make yourself sick if you don't do it right. 
            Would I choose to get my amalgams out if given a second choice? Absolutely.
            I'm hoping to someday get enough funds to help my mom, and other family members safely remove theirs.
Health wise, I feel like I've had some very good days, and bad days.
            I've had days with tons of energy, and days with zero energy. I've had nights where I slept like a log, and nights where I didn't sleep at all.
            My neck and hip joints are looser, and I feel more limber. I can breathe so much better than I could before. I used to have a perpetually clogged sinus on one side.
             After my amalgam removal, now, more often than not, I can breathe out of both sinuses.  My eyesight is much clearer, like someone has washed the windows to my eyes.
            My knees don't hurt me so bad----and I was able to run a mile in ten minutes last week, which is big for me. Especially after I injured my knee.

            Right now I'm still in the stage of wondering if my body is really healing, not just wishful thinking, or believing it to be so. I'll have to do an update in a year or so.

            But I do believe my health is improving.
I had been coping with terrible migraine headaches that would reoccur almost every week, with few non headache days in-between, to the point I felt like I was a broken record player when I told my family or friends that I had a headache again. It made me feel like I had some sort of character flaw, like I needed to repent of something to keep the headache Gods from striking me.

   So far I have noticed a definite difference for the better in the migraine department, I have longer periods between headaches, and not so frequently. That in itself is enough for me to be extremely grateful!!! So I do believe there is a definite connection between headaches, and mercury. 

            Psychologically I feel calmer, and more at peace. Happier, less fearful, and more chill with me.
The hidden illness of ocd, anxiety, and depressedness which many of us cope with, has been something that I've just lived with, and tried to positive thought away, especially on days when I felt like I didn't want to exist.  But honestly something that has helped me to be a brighter, happier person, is eliminating stress triggers for me, and eliminating copper from my diet, and introducing zinc, and magnesium into my diet.

If you're ever bored, read up on the health effects of too much copper. It's quite interesting.
Zinc, and magnesium help me feel more peaceful? Yup. It's such a funny statement, but it's true. It's helped me be more chill, and when I'm more chill, I'm happier, and when I'm happier, I'm kinder, and when I'm kinder I feel at peace. And when I'm at peace I feel creative, safe, able to give more, and love others and myself more.
I've come to the point in my life where I truly believe that despite genetic predispositions, we can heal our bodies from the inside out.
            It's funny that we try so hard to control others, or change the world when our bodies are wastelands of toxins. As a people, we are all so are addicted, hungry, malnourished in relationships, and in every area of our lives, we are always searching, yet abundantly rich people, but very unhappy most of the time. That's the paradox.

            We need to clean our temples where our soul resides.
            Start with one toxic habit, one toxic food and replace it with something better.
That's how we change the world.
            We change ourselves.
             It's a lot harder to take out the mote in our own eye, than it is to point out flaws in those around us.
            Healing. It's not all flowers and sunshine. It's hard work to change, to create a new paradigm, to give yourself a new blueprint, to stop blame, and look at everyone with compassion, including yourself.
     If your boss is rude, he's probably constipated.
            If your parents didn't love you the way you thought they should, they probably had a clogged liver.
            If your uncle was nasty, and sour, he was probably just full of mercury and toxic.
            If you feel hungry all the time, can't lose weight, and tired all the time, with sore joints, maybe you're not lazy at heart, maybe you're just sleep deprived, hungry for real food, and have parasites or worms, which love to reside in bodies full of mercury--- Apparently mercury can cause your body to be very acidic, a perfect place for toxins, and parasites, and those little yeasts everybody talks about candida.
            Maybe I'm wrong.
            Maybe it sounds just like more excuses, reasons for people to be nasty, and not accountable for their actions.
  But it's a more compassionate way. And I choose it.
         We are all buzzing around each other passing judgment on ourselves, and others, forgetting the toxic loads we all carry, both mentally and physically.
            We are all so busy we forget to take time to pause, to listen, and clean the place where we live.
            Our own house.
            We send kids to school expecting them to learn, expecting them to excel when we ignore that heavy metals, and other toxins we expose them to can damage their ability to learn.
            At collage we cram, and abuse our bodies, yet expect to reap what? Success?
            What is success if your body and soul are so toxic that you can't feel success when you have finally found it?

“If you want to awaken all of humanity,
then awaken all of yourself.
If you want to eliminate suffering in the world,
then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself.
For truly, the greatest gift you have to offer humanity,
is your own transformation.
~Lao Tzu”

            I couldn't take the mercury out of my mouth.
            My body was under a toxic burden of heavy metals.
            I had to find someone---a dentist who remove the darkness for me before I could begin to heal.
            That is a form of Grace to me.
            I don't know how I'll feel a year from now.
            But either way,
            I'm glad I've started on this journey.
            April showers.
   Bring May flowers.








Below are some links I highly recommend you read/watch if you really want to know and understand mercury toxic effects on the body.

TV anchor says mercury fillings gave her Multiple Sclerosis symptoms

This an excellent article (one of the best) if you're interested on detoxing:

SMOKING TEETH / Full Version


60 MINUTES on Mercury Fillings


 Mercury Fillings Can Cause ALS and MS


Woman Claims She Was Mercury Poisoned by her Mercury Dental Fillings


Brain Neuron Degeneration via Mercury




Health Hazards of Mercury

Mercury and kidney function


Leeches, mercury and quackery


One person's personal mercury story


History of mercury


A hundred and fifty years of misuse of mercury and dental amalgam


Effects of Toxic Metals on Learning Ability and Behavior


Mercury in Corn syrup


Symptoms of mercury toxicity






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