A way back Home
This was today's sunrise. It was so beautiful. And worth sharing. Bessie is always pointed them out, and I was lucky to see it.
My little nephew Kippen turned 13 this past week. And all his cousins had so much fun plying at the res, digging a mud hole, and getting special silky mud from the deep part of the water, and bringing to shore. It's a tradition they have every year for his birthday. And they always get so muddy, and funny looking. This time, I decided I'd hadn't ever joined them in the mud puddle, so I did. I got in, and got super muddy like they did.
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| My sister Jeana tossed out shells, and polished purple glass so the kids could have fun finding them, like a real beach. |
On the fourth of July, one of my brother’s home-school friends came down to visit. I think it’s been 25 years since we saw him.
He and
his sister did some school with us, growing up. One time, we all flew kites
together. That was such a fun day. My aunt, whom I thought was very rich,
bought us all kites. And each one of us got their own kite. It was
so fun. It made a huge memory. And ever since, I’ve always thought flying kites
was wonderful. And It's something I like to do, with my nieces, if the weather permits.
Anyway. I wasn’t sure what to think about coming in to visit with this long past friend, as my brother and him were older than I, and I had mostly been friends with his sister.
But I came in, and said hi, and he seemed happy to see me. And after a little visiting, I found out he played the guitar. We have one, we don’t play, so I got it out.
He tuned it up, and really sounded good. He sang, and played, and sounded quite beautiful. He said he used to have a band, but had not played much now. He looked quite afraid, and I thought it was beautiful that he sang for us, even though his fingers shook.
I wasn’t familiar with the song, and he said, "it was a Pink Floyd song. Wish you were here.” I had to go look the artist up, because I haven't really heard his songs, that I can remember.
Either way, It was very interesting. His coming. He seemed very somber, and quite sad. I think he has a computer job that is hard on him. But he seemed very happy to make music for us, though.
Anyhow, that night, I went to watch the distant fireworks on the top of the chicken coup roof, it was quite lovely, and beautiful. Bess joined me for awhile, and then went back inside.
I saw a beautiful star shoot across the sky, and go green. Almost like it was showing off, competing with the fireworks.
After the fireworks stopped, I got off the roof, and went to check the goats, because I heard a little goat baaing as I was making my way to the roof.
I got a flashlight, and found a new tiny baby goat. It was super cute, with hardly any ears. It was a lamancha goat so its mom has really tiny ears, and the baby hardly any at all. I think I want to name it July, or sparkle, or star. Something to do with the forth.
Then yesterday, was interesting, because our sister, Sarah's car was having problems, and really needing new tires. So we followed her up, as best we could to the tire shop in our car, but we were a little slow, but we ended up at the shop together. Enough to find out she'd gotten the wrong size of tires. She ordered one tire, and will get the rest later, and left her car to get fixed. Then we went shopping, and took Sarah home. She has grown a ton of plants, so many, lots of fig trees, in pots. She loves flowers, and gardening, and is always growing beautiful trees. Though she's been a lot more tired since she got shingles, and loves, loves to eat popcicles now. So she loaded up on otter-pops. Then we went and ran another errand for another sister.
At the end of the day, we wanted to go swimming and invited our friend down the road to come with us. But her hip was hurting, so Bess and I came to her house, to give her a massage. Afterward, Amillya, (I'm really not sure how to spell her name) gave us her old guitar from high school, because she never plays it, and is cleaning out. So now we have two guitars. I wonder if I should learn how to play it now? She said her first husband was an artist, and painted a black and white picture on the case, of some 70's artist I think. I can't remember who she said artist is painted on it is---billy something? I just thought it was interesting, because I’ve been shopping for a necklace similar to the one painted onto the man on the guitar, case, to give the lady who had actually given us the guitar. Because she likes turquoise.
So it all feels connected, and quite interesting, and beautiful.
At play practice, today, a lady asked me to compile pictures I'd taken from all the past shows, because they are having a party big cast party at the end of the month in honor of the director, with a special gift, I can't mention, just in case he finds my blog. All the cast members from past shows are going to be invited, and so now I'm going to be going through old pictures I've taken, to share them. I guess all the past plays that I've been present in. At least the one's I've been apart of in some way,
Today at practice, my favorite part was rehearsing around the piano singing with a bunch of other women. For a moment I could feel my heart vooming.
The girl that sang the Voice for our Blue notes concert--and read the scroll for us, is playing Marion--the librarian. She was there, and was happy to see us. And all the women seemed happy to be singing in that little room, trying their very best. And it felt quite nice. I love those heart vooming moments.
While rehearsing, outside, on the lawn. I stood back, and pondered how interesting this all was. I was watching the director, and some of the cast members saying their lines. The director was having a lot of fun, helping them get their lines right, and put themselves into the part.
I wondered…as I watched them all.
Wondered. How curious it all was.
Life.
And us all acting here on his lawn. And everybody trying their best to play their part well. To do it the best they know how.
And I wondered, from my view, maybe we are a play within a play.
Maybe we on the lawn watching them play, were, in fact, playing our part so well.
Maybe all of us are in some sort of life action movie.
Maybe we’ve rehearsed everything before we ever came here.
Maybe every mistake, and every bit we did or didn’t do here, was something we’d all scripted long before.
Maybe we got so good at our part, we finally all came down here. Playing this cosmic drama out, word by word, action by action.
Perfectly rehearsed.
But without a memory of anything before this.
And every character feeds of the other cast member saying their lines, and that is how we remember our lines. Because we’ve done it before. It comes naturally.
Whoever comes, is part of the story.
Some are side characters, some walk in walk and walk off. Here they are. And then not.
Some play big roles.
Some add drama.
Same add comic relief.
Some add plot twists, and turns.
Some add beautiful soft elements.
Some are meant to stay, and some leave.
So here we all are.
Saying our lines. Acting our parts.
Perfectly.
And maybe, just maybe, once in a while some characters get glimpses of something a flash of light. A seeing. A knowing. A feeling. A sense, a remembrance of something else.
Out in the audience----cast members that have gone off stage.
A prop breaks, and someone forgets their lines.
And everyone is confused.
What to do?
Someone in the audience claps, the weather makes something glitch.
And some of the actors remember, “Oh, that was just a prop.”
“Oh, that was, So and so’s line. But I can step in, and say something. Maybe add a bit here.”
And maybe some actors roles are quite simple.
Maybe someone is the door.
Maybe someone puts props on, and takes them off.
Maybe someone’s only job is to give you something and go off stage.
Maybe someone’s job is to cheer those behind the stage, as they come off, and on.
Maybe someone’s role is just to help the cast member remember their next lines.
Maybe someone's job is to a mirror, very simple. Very still.
To be as clear as they. So that those who pass by can remember who they were long before this play started.
“Oh, I see you, there you are, Love, you’ve hidden so well.
I see you.”
There you are.
Love. Hidden under old shabby bones, and an angry face. “You almost had me, you played your part so well, I nearly forgot how beautiful a soul you have.”
“I see you, love, hidden under vices, and woe, and all those stories that kept you running the same lines. I wouldn’t have seen you, except for the crack. But there you are, like the sun gleaming behind clouds.”
“Oh, and you, pain, and sorrow, and l knew there was more to you, than what I first saw.”
“Guilt shame, glory, honor, rich, poor, happy, sad, big, small, no matter your costume, I see you.
Love.
Dancing on the stage.
Sometimes the story is very convincing.
But look.
There you are.
Love.
Light.
The truth of who you are.
What fabulous costumes we all have, what beautiful fabric, what amazing props, what a fantastic director. What a script, what lines.
What a story.
And all passing through, and for how long?
A play, so grand, we all have taken part.
Seen every role played out, as we have been part of it all, until we have come here.
And the mirror was given a mirror.
A mirror, and some light.
Someone shone light on it, and it saw itself clearly.
And the mirror knows, that, though the story runs on, and the actors too.
And sometimes the mirror gets fogged, and needs cleaning from time to time.
Here we all are.
Look.
See.
The audience, too.
Do you see?
We are all just seeing something, saying something.
Dancing, watching.
Wondering who will give away the secret first.
Playing together.
And when we get all caught up in the pictures we see.
A glimmer of light flickers somewhere. On or off the stage.
Even the cracked mirrors show light, and can reflect the entire show.
And little by little, we remember, and see, and know, that built into every person.
Is a mirror.
And when there is enough light, I see myself, my truth, reflected in you.
A beautiful mirror of love.
The divine truth animating us all.
And when I am still. I see the truth, reflected within, and without.
What a beautiful thing that is.
And if we are still, long enough, the sun always shines, stars always gleam, the moon will always show its face. And light will always have a place.
Your heart will always shine light out.
So that one at a time.
As we look, one by one, we all remember, color by color, the veil over our hearts is lifted.
And we shine out.
The message of the entire play.
The words written behind the story.
Love has woven us all together.
Love was directing the entire show.
Love always helps you find your way back home.
We were meant to, as Ram Das so beautifully says, "We are all just walking each other home.
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