A place created for great ideas, and thoughts to grow.
Here, you'll find tidbits of inspiration, growing buds of hope, ideas about life, health, and happiness. Most of all, by visiting my garden, I hope you will see things you haven't seen before, and connect to raw, real earth, and watch your own 'seeds' grow.
Koto lesson yesterday. Was long. Mostly lots of talking. Shirley didn't win the competition, but enjoyed getting to see Japan, and mount Fuji, she says it's lucky to be able to see it, as it sometimes is covered in clouds. She also got to see her relatives, and bought socks fitted exactly to her feet. And loved the park with swans, and a place that had hot springs.
I'd been practicing a koto song for three weeks, called Sunset. It's a really beautiful song. I've really enjoyed learning it. I like the meditation of playing it.
Though, when I went to play it for my teacher, it didn't sound like I had practiced it.
Had to really focus, and the fear bubble that popped up was real big.
Trying to be present with it all, has been challenging.
Ah well...
We do our best. And sometimes, I guess it's a challenge love ourselves, despite how we manifest, and be as present as we can with the beautiful things, and also the not so beautiful things---the notes that don't come out how we plan. And if we can, with God's help, it is all beautiful.
Maybe that's the whole point. To love what is. To love the love behind what is.
To love---that is the most perfect thing I feel anyone of us can ever do. That we are so much more than any of these things we see, and do, and work at. We are the love.
And perhaps, by making our (so called mistakes) we are saying, to each other, and ourselves, by loving no matter what shows up, the truth behind it all.
That we are love. That you are love. It's okay. Look. I am not this, and neither are you.
We are much more than these things.
No competition. No amount of practicing will make you more lovable. No right notes, or wrong notes.
And to be present in life.
Is a gift. One we give to each other. So we know. That love is.
Love isn't a condition.
It is a space.
The most real thing I know.
The knowing.
Its easy to say.
Sometimes harder to live.
But spirit knows. And tells me this truth, always.
So...
Three things that make me smile.
Three things I'm grateful for.
Kids, their honesty.
Things that make laugh.
Grateful for Cannon in D. Bess taught me to play it on the Ukulele. Bess and I have always liked cannon in D. And this Chicken one, is well, pretty epic.
You'll see why.
I don't really know why these came to mind today. But another one that I have found really fun to watch is another chicken one, of a guy yodeling. Sorry it does have a bit of language. But I thought it was fun to watch. And his voice is beautiful.
Also, this song came on pandora yesterday evening while I was washing dishes. I wrote the name down, so I could find it again. I thought was beautiful. I guess the theme of today is Asian.
Blue notes, we pulled together. Though there were some challenging bits, and vibes.
The day of, though everyone felt like we were all trying. And that was good.
The best song of that day, was a song my sister, played the violin for, while we sang. Away in a manger, a really beautiful arrangement.
The beautiful thing was about that song, I could feel my heart beating uncommonly fast. And I realized, that I felt it was my sister's heart I was feeling. I felt really connected to my sister.
Then we started singing, and I looked around, for an extra soprano voice, as the volume of felt amplified. And I realized that something had come down to our stage.
The third thing for this beautiful song. For the beautiful words.
My sister felt it. I felt it.
And I was grateful. For a song, for the spirit. For that peace.
That space.
I don't know if anyone else felt it. But Bessie did, and I did. And if only for that moment, it was worth it.
Afterward, everyone was so friendly, but it was a lot of energy, and so much. I hugged so many people. I was feeling friendly, and wanting to visit, and see people. And I was happy that I felt friendly. That I wanted to visit.
After spring show earlier this year, they had asked me to be Vice president of the group, which I didn't really know what that meant. I wasn't sure if I wanted to....
The I me, didn't.
But I talked to God about it, and I felt I should. So I said yes.
Apparently, the secretary of the group who counts the proceeds from the show, asked me, vice president to watch her count the money afterward. I guess she normally does it alone, but someone in the group thought one other person should be present, to make sure that no body bes naughty.
Anywho, so we went into a corner, and I watched her count the money, and it was quite cute, because many people donated 100.00 and 50.00 bills. What was beautiful about it, was that it was a very small turnout for this show. It was very small crowd, watching. And it wouldn't have equaled the large amount that was made.
We donate all the proceeds to charity. Last year, the group bought a hearing aide for a high school kid. I'm not sure what they'll do with it this year.
I felt so much hot chi in my body, afterward. We both felt wired. I wanted to ground. Bessie and I went outside, and walked under the full moon. It was beautiful. So beautiful I thought I would set up my tent in the greenhouse and sleep outside---even though it was cold. So I made six trips back and fourth bringing my blankets, and things to make a bed in the cold of winter.
I remembered something my mom had mentioned about me using a wheelbarrow. Though late in remembering, I used the wheelbarrow to tote blankets in at the very last trip. So I did that with my weighted blankets, and that was nice.
I also thought that I had never slept outside in December, so I thought I'd give it a try. I was very bright because of the moon. And I wore a glove, on one hand, and a hat on the other, so as not to freeze.
I was pretty warm, but my nose was very cold. All in all, I always like sleeping on the ground. It was a bit cold. And I sort of wanted to come inside after while. But once once you have all your gear set up. You just stay until the morning.
The roosters had fun crowing when the sun came up, in the adjoining chicken coup.
I did enjoy coming out into the sun, and just sitting in the morning light and basking in it. The sun felt so good. So loving.
Sunday, ah, well that entire day felt busy.
We were both tired from the day before, but we both felt like we should go to our ward Choir practice, as my sister had said the week before that they had asked us to please come, because they needed us.
We got ready as fast as we could, and walked to the Church. We walked in, and there were only about five people singing in the whole choir. I don't know if everyone was busy that day. But we came and sang songs out of the hymn book.They were grateful for extra voices. And afterward, my uncle talked to us about his granddaughter with many many health issues, that was finally learning to crawl.
We also invited him to come and sing for the Messiah. He wasn't sure, as he hadn't been able to go to any of the practices.
We told him to come anyway, if he wanted. And he looked like he wanted to. So Bessie told him what songs we would be singing, so he could look them up on Youtube. And that if he wanted to come, the men were asked to wear a red tie, if he came.
And you could tell he wanted to.
So we went home, and I rummaged around, trying to get gifts ready for the piano player, and Choir director. So much was happening. Bess was trying to get memos out for the choir members, about what to wear, what time, and if they wanted to help set up.
She left at 4:00 to help set up the stage, as there was a lot of things to do, and the choir director, and Doug the play director from Fillmore also the choir director for Fillmore's Handel's Messiah was helping by bringing loads of his sound equipment.
There were several things I needed to do at home, so I stayed. My mom's arm was hurting her, so I gave her a massage.
Then I walked to Ameila house, our neighbor she had a bad headache that had been ongoing, that made one of her eyes blurry. So while Bess was helping set up things there, I was doctoring our friend, and giving her some fresh ginger juice, and a head and foot massage. It was cute, because while I was massaging her feet, her dog came up, and put its head under my armpit, and just was loving.
When I got home, I got some treats ready for the choir (which they didn't eat) Printed some programs. (which they didn't need) lol And then got ready.
I road up with Sarah, Mom, and Jeana. Though while transferring some stuff form one car to the other, I ran into a bush tree, and scraped my eye with a branch.
Got there just in time, and what was beautiful, was the turnout for this event was great. It was well attended, much more than previous years. Bess had saved me a seat right next to her, and a young girl in choir we had made friends with. And it was beautiful because we were all seated by loving friends. And in the very front of the choir, so we would get the full on sound from behind.
Bess had spotted my uncle early on in the audience, and noticed he was wearing a red tie. She asked him, "Aren't you singing with us?"
He looked sheepish, and said that he wanted to, he also was worried about being judged for singing without ever practicing. He also forgot his music book. She told him she had extra, and walked him to a seat by someone he felt comfortable sitting by, and seemed very pleased, almost to tears, especially afterward.
Fillmore's choir came too, and so it was this huge choir, much bigger than our handful of people in Delta, and the orchestra was bigger than normal, and we also had some new really young people. One ten year old, I believe, playing the timpani.
The whole feeling of it was more real, and more friendly than normal. Our choir director forgot some things, like when to stand us up, and sit us down, but it was cute. Because it was real.
And both directors from Fillmore, and Delta got to be seen, and they sang solos. And that was beautiful, because they both really wanted to. And they both did a beautiful job.
Bess sang the Angel's recitative, as she has done since she was ten, or twelve. And that was beautiful. It was interesting because I was a seat away from where the soloists sang, so I got to really feel the soloists.
The best songs, were the Hallelujah chorus, everyone stood up, and Bess motioned for the crowd to sing, and they did. And it was powerful. Bess felt it too. The third thing showed up. My mom cried, and you could see that the audience felt something too.
And also for the Amens. It came again.
And it was good. So much energy. So many hugs. Everyone lingered longer. It was better than any of the other performances than I can remember, for many, many years. It was just good. Less ego, and more love.
Bess said she had fun helping to sculpt the energy while they were setting up risers, and sound equipment and at first, she said that everyone felt like they were just doing a job. But it ended up in fun, and it was real, and one of the best parts for her. She loved it. And had fun playing with everyone setting up, being silly, and just being real.
Phew...
My heart feels a bit tired. And my head, and body feels weird.
It was so much.
Big or large gatherings.
It's been a lot. I had to go home and cry, afterward. It's hard to explain why. Energetically, if your sensitive, it's just a lot.
I have to spend some time alone, to feel myself. My home frequency after these events.
Yesterday too, our last Bluenotes concert of the year, at the care center. And that was good too. Just a lot. So many souls, so many. Bess has put out a ton of energy too.
We also sang, Away in a manger, and I felt the third thing again. Bess did too. And we both thought the choir felt it this time.
And that is beautiful.
We have one more Messiah performance on Sunday, my koto teacher is back from Japan so I'm staring lessons again this week.
But for the most part. It's been beautiful.
But we are both very tired.
And I wouldn't mind being a hobbit for a while.
What stands out, is that I feel, things are changing for the better slowly, but surely. People are softening.
Souls are remembering something good. Even with the hard bits, there is still something better than it's ever been.
I feel slowly but surly we are all starting to feel one another, more, and more. To feel spirit. God. Love.
And that is priceless.
We are all so more connected than we know, than we can fathom, than we can even describe. We are all so much more beautiful than we know.
And love is so beautiful, and when it is felt, and seen, and heard.
How beautiful, how amazing, how wonderful that is. Things can change for the better. That we can start to see each other as ourselves, one soul at at time.
And even if you haven't practiced, or remembered to bring your music book, you are still welcome to sing in God's choir.
Love is always welcome.
Everyone is always welcome.
Always.
Just bring your voice, and an open heart.
And magic can happen, anywhere you are.
And you'll be glad you sang.
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My mom found this song today, and I thought it was beautiful.
Lyrics:
White the sheep that gave the wool
Green the pastures where they fed.
Blue and scarlet side by side
Bless the warp and bless the thread
May the charm of lasting life
Be upon your flocks in full
From the hill where they rest
May they rise both whole and well
Bless the man who wears this cloth
May he wounded never be
From the bitter cold and frost
May this cloth protection be
Bless the children warmed within
Three times three our love enfold
Peace and plenty may they find
May they grow both wise and bold
Now is waulked the web we've spun
Winter storms may rage in vain
Bless the work by which we won
Comfort from the wind and rain
White the sheep that gave the wool
Green the pastures where they fed
Blue and scarlet side by side
Bless the warp and bless the thread
We've got three days of various concerts, all in a row, and mostly, my sister and I just want to be in Nature. Sit in the sun.
Maybe sit by the warm stove, drink some tea, make some warm home and heart food, and just be.
So I guess our music will have be our nature, as best we can.
And the people will be trees.
And the seats mountains.
And the stage lights will be stars.
And the songs will be birds.
And the eyes watching, heart, and soul, sunlight, perhaps.
And hopefully there is something more than just sounds. Maybe we'll remember we're just singing to ourselves, singing with ourselves. Remembering something.
Singing to the oneness. Glory to God. Peace on earth. God in us, God with us.
Remember.
Remember home.
Mostly, as I pause, I realize, that doing music together, performing, started off mostly with me and Bessie at the Care center. Singing and making music with old people. After high-school, I was afraid to make much music. Scared of my voice.
Yet, Bessie included me, and encouraged me. And ever since, we've been singing together. And it's taught me a lot. Working as a team, and trying our best to say yes, through challenges, as we manifest very uniquely---and bring that yes, that love wherever we go. The spirit of love, and that third thing, that can come, when you allow. And love.
I realize that mostly, we are all a bit afraid to make music. And the best thing about performing, anywhere, is the sense of yes, and unfolding and growing, and expanding, and sharing, and allowing yourself, and others. And it can be scary. And sometimes hard.
Sometimes. Beautiful.
Yet, with all the adventures we've had, all we've seen a lot, how performing brings out the best and worst in people, under pressure---the beautiful bits that happen when we pull together, my sister and I, and choirs, and casts of play members, there sometimes is a remembrance, that were are all just here, singing. Helping each other remember, a truth, that can only really be felt with the heart.
The unity beyond the form.
Last year, when our Christmas Concert started, a lady accidentally tipped over her Diet soda and ice chunks, and soda were everywhere on stage. So we had to postpone our start, and clean it up. Then she stood up again, and her soda was on her robe, and it tipped over again.
Ice skating on stage.
And it was a very telling thing to see some of the choir members kindness, and also meanness come out.
She started crying, and Bess and I tried to comfort her, as we cleaned it up.
The beautiful thing that happened was, later, she told us she thought her friend who had just passed away, had caused it to happen, as she was always tipping her soda, as she was taking her to the hospital.
Later after the concert, Bess and I got a nameless package in the mail, with a beautiful note,with two amber bracelets. We believe they came from our choir members family, who had seen the whole thing happening before the concert. And that kind note, really gave me hope, and courage, and comfort when I needed it most.
And that was the best thing about last years Concert.
A kind note, a spilled soda, seeing who was able to love, and keep their heart singing.
Love.
I know I haven't been sharing Christmas songs---Technically. But I'm sharing songs that make me feel something. And this soundtrack here, is one I have often listened to and felt my heart.
It's so beautiful, so soothing. I love the sound of nature. And love the sound of water. And just wordless sounds the voice can make.
