Salt And light

There you are.

And here I am.

In this space.

I sit with you, here.

To feel myself.

The truth.

Some part of a hidden seeing.

And bask in something I don’t quite understand.

But love.

And feel.

A space created.

When I’m here. With myself.

With you.

I feel home.

Safe.

My own homeland.

I feel my heart glow.

I feel my own faith widen, and expand.

I feel a truth no words can describe.

I feel a peace that makes me whole.

My soul, alive.

No matter how difficult, or challenging.  There you are.

Showing up.

In your beautiful ways.

God’s grace making a way, covering, softening.

The presence.

Spirit.

Heart.

Extra courage.

Extra grace.

Even when I wasn’t sure.

There you were with me. Making me stronger. Braver.

Alchemizing, softening, making a way.

Pointing always to that place, where all heart connect. And all give and receive what is needed.

Heartspace. 

Evening the energy.

Putting things back where they belong.

Heart.

Showing off.

The entwining of life, of loss, and gain.

Of newness, and decay.

Of clean, and of mess.

All these things, dancing.

And I wonder…

That if we stepped into God.

And presence.

And real living.

And real knowing.

Real heart

If we turned away from fake things.

How magical our lives would be.

How much better than any movie, or story our lives would be.

How vivid, and how poignant, and delicious, each moment would be.

Even those hard bits.

They too, are not without their own flavor.

It all feels so intense. And yet, so beautiful.

I’ve thought about writing about many things.

I thought about writing something lighthearted, and sharing some humorous videos. My sister found some fun videos, that I want to share on here sometime. At least, we find the funny.

I thought about writing about our tub-full of puppies, and the crazy morning my sister and I had a couple of days ago. The puppies turned on the water...Which I didn't know was possible, and we had a huge rescue mission. (that is an entire post on its own)

I thought about writing about when the puppies were born, and that very interesting day. It was about the exact same day, to day. The 24t---Full moon. And three women weeping. A fire hydrant. And then a book.

I also thought about writing about everything I’ve been feeling, these waves of sadness, and tears.

These high emotions are very strong.

There is so much to feel. Sometimes I can feel heart-stuff, so clearly, so beautifully like swirls of warm sunlight, and a tingling sensation come from someone’s heart, touching mine.

And other times, it’s other emotions

And those, I can feel in my head. And it gets confusing, because I don’t know what it all means.

All I know is that there’s so much.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed, and confused. And a sorrow whirls through me. And I’ll sit with it, like I did tonight. On my fence, with my cat, watching the moon.

Tears.

I think sometimes they come. Like a visitor. Asking me to be present. And sometimes they feel like the most sincere prayer my soul can pray. And sometimes they are scared tears. And sometimes they tears of frustration. And sometimes they are tears of gratitude, because my heart is full. And sometimes they are tears when I don't know what to say, or do, or how to be. And sometimes they are tears of love, and joy. And sometimes they are tears of letting go of things I cannot change, and have to accept.  And sometimes they are tears of loss. And sometimes they are tears of remorse, and longing. Sometimes they are tears of anger. And sometimes they are tears of words I don't know how to say. And sometimes they are tears because I miss parts of myself I don't let show, or don't yet know. And it's sometimes nice to know, after the rain, the air is clear, and the ground is soft, and dew is on the flowers, and sunlight dances in the clouds, and rainbows, and so many beautiful things come from rain.

I think if we knew this we wouldn't be afraid to rain too. 

It can be a beautiful thing.

Tears, a sorrow, an emotion.

Where, I wish the world, instead of so much anger, and hate, and fear.

We would all cry together.

Weep.

Rain, over things that needed water.

Rain over all the things that are too hot.

Rain over our all the things inside us that build up.

And it would just melt away down our cheeks. 

To cry together. Is beautiful. 

We’d take these hot balls of energy, and weep, and give the energy back to God.

To turn back into love.

These would be holy tears.

Tears If I could collect them, I would use them to sprinkle the ground with.

And to grow beautiful things. Meadows, and forests.

I’d use them in a beautiful perfume, or mix them with lavender, and sprinkle them over battlefields, and places where healing was needed.

Places that needed to be reminded of the truth of their souls, and hearts.  

An elixir to drink, for hearts to finally feel.

To pour over the nations, so they’d remember, how beautiful it was to feel connected to their hearts. To feel vulnerable, and sad, sad for all the times they forgot how beautiful it was to love.

How beautiful it is to forgive.

How beautiful it is to weep.

Tears.

Something you’d put in an air purifier, to clear out all that needed clearing.

A soft rain.

Holy water.

You’d wash with, and years would be taken off you.

Years of things you held onto.

Gone.

And heart. Would remember itself.

And so. When the moon is full.

And when the water rises.

And all those things within me swell.

Emotions I’ve hidden so well.

What truth would they speak?

Why does the heart ache so badly that eyes leak?

Sometimes only tears can transcribe what is felt.

Salt. And water. 

And God turns it into light.

And Sometimes, when it feels too much.

Water rises and then spills out.

And I let it rain, and hope it grows.

Flowers, and green meadows, and forest groves.

Ah…

And step inside this sacred space.

And see the green.

And wipe my face.

And perhaps.

Wander…and wonder too.