Jordan Smith - Only Love

 Dear Blog, 

I don't know how to explain it. The Christmas season was intense. There was some really beautiful parts, and some challenging parts.  It felt like God's spirit touched down, and I felt moments, of family members, feeling presence. And just something extra, that was special.

Though, I feel like I went a little too far into that place that a lot of women go, when they serve a little too much, and I kept going...

And....I was having a hard time slowing down.

Realizing that if I am not present. 

Then how can I really help? As the greatest help you can be, is to be present with yourself, and all selves. 

I was feeling like I had a lot of bandwidth taken up, and having a hard time coming to center.

Last night I got humongous headache. I tossed up some cyanne pepper I had downed. That was very unpleasant. I wonder, though if was gift? And I just powered down for a bit.  Though choir started up, (it's actually the second week) but it still feels very much starting up. Then we took some soup to the same lady (violin student) that got sick again. I got home and was still feeling poorly, but I decided to play koto, and tried tuned it up to a song I've been playing way too long, and accidentally tuned it to a previous song (flying a kite) and I felt this surge of heat, and warmth, while I was playing. Sounds weird. But I felt little better. And then just laied down, and meditated, and rested.  I feel a little more myself. Feel my crown, heart, and head balancing out. More clear. If any of what I'm saying makes sense.

My heart feels a bit like it needs some calibrating as well. Recharging, cleaning out, refining, as it felt like it took a lot.

To feel myself, though. Is a blessing. To feel centered. Just to feel me. Clearer of mind. Of head. My heart feeling itself.

I thank spirit for the roadmaps, and breadcrumbs of grace that always find me, and wake me up. Help me feel my own heart, and that crown knowing. 

In view of all of what I felt. I felt like I was feeling into many people. And it was a lot. And it gave me a sense of what a lot of people are going through. And it gives me more compassion, and understanding. 

How much we are in need of presence. How most of us are in so much pain, only a bit of us is here.

How much more *here now* we all could be, if we could find loving ways to be present with ourselves, and present with others.

To realize how much we are all in need of giving grace, to each other and the world. 

 And blessing.

More blessing each other. More blessing, more softeness. More understanding one another. More loving each other. For we are all going through so much, each body has its own unique package, and we all take so much.

And our hearts our beautiful hearts need to know that its okay and safe to open, and love. 

I send blessings out, to cool the fires in California. For rain, and for helpers to help those who are homeless.

Prayers to calm the storms within and without.

Prayers for those who are sick, and in need of healing. 

Prayers for those whose hearts that need a safe space in which they can open.

Blessings to good men and women, who love love, and love God, and are trying to serve and live in grace and give grace as best as they can.

Prayers for those who have had no roadmap to God, to love, and are in need of great compassion, and a mirror that shows them the truth of their souls.

Prayers for those who are lonely, and are in need of comfort.

Prayers for those who are trapped in fear, that they find a space where they can let it go, and feel loved.

Prayers for those who need forgiveness, for all of us to forgive ourselves, in all our forms, to let go of things that are not true, and not who we are.

Prayers to those lost in illusion, that they may find a roadmap to their hearts, and Christ as the head.

Blessings to those who let go of the need to control, and allow love, to flow.

Sending prayers out to calm the storms that need calming.

Rest for those whose minds need soothing. 

Peace to the world, and those who are suffering, for their pains to crack them open enough to find God.

Hope to those who are hopeless. 

For truth, to light the way, the highest truth, to cut through the darkness, and give direction and compassion, and light, and spirit, and heart a place to dwell.

Hope and forgiveness for those who are in need of it. 

For children to know they are loved.

For those living alone, to find something, or someone to love.

For those who haven't experience the real, to know what it feels like, for something to lead them to the truth. 

For freedom from the ego's control. 

For love to finally have a voice.

For everyone who wishes it, for their hearts to begin to open to the highest truth of their being.

For our crowns to be ablaze with holy spirit fire, always. 

For that truth, to shine out, for music, and presence to shine through into this now, and the nows to come, so that consciousness wakens to love, a paradise that never leaves you.

For those whose consciousness are trapped in tombs, that the stone holding their light in, cracks, and rolls away, and love steps forth, living, again. 

For hearts to remember, their origin.