A place created for great ideas, and thoughts to grow.
Here, you'll find tidbits of inspiration, growing buds of hope, ideas about life, health, and happiness. Most of all, by visiting my garden, I hope you will see things you haven't seen before, and connect to raw, real earth, and watch your own 'seeds' grow.
So this was my view the other day in my tent. Waking up. It
was so beautiful, popcorn, wave clouds.
With the full moon too, the sky has been so magical.
The other evening, we didn’t make it to the canal during the
day. So Bess and I took a moon swim under the full strawberry moon. It was so beautiful,
and so magic. I wish my camera could take beautiful night photos. Because it
was stunning. And magic.
A screech owl though, was calling back and forth to its mate
that night. And Bess and I were glad to have each other hear it, while we were in our tents, because it
sounded so scary.
It’s been a week since Father’s day.
And I thought I should post something.
About fathers.
How grateful I am for the fathering energy. The energy of
love, and protection, and provision in my life.
I have learned that sometimes the father energy sometimes shines through ports unsuspecting.
Through friends, neighbors, strangers.
In men, and women.
I am thankful for my own father, and though imperfect, I see he has tried his best with the light he had to see by. I am grateful for everything he has given to me, and taught me over the years. The lessons, the good, and the bad. The dark, and the light.
I am grateful that the father energy, this warm, strong, steady energy, though sometimes hidden to me, has always been there, providing light, insight, and wisdom, for me to grow, and to learn from, and most of all, to feel God's presence, and steady hand amid all the heartaches and fear, and troubles that sometimes life brings.
I am grateful for the sunlight of God's love that shines out through the darkness, helping me to see how beautiful God really is, visible or invisible.
This spark of unconditional love is the only thing worth holding. This truth, is my treasure. And will always be.
How beautiful it is.
And the more you see it, the more it seems to show itself.
And so God sends us messages.
Little clues.
Light.
Last week my sister, Holly came down, for Father’s day, to
visit my dad, and to go to Church here. While she was here, she also gave me a
belated Birthday gift.
A yellow bag with sunshine related gifts. And a beautiful
sunflower ring. Which was very beautiful, and more significant to me, than she realizes.
Holly, has always loved treasure hunting, and going out into
the desert and following old Spanish markers, and clues, to find some ancient treasure.
She’s even been featured on the history channel, so great has her passion and knowledge of treasure hunting.
She often tells people she what she sees might just be pareidolia.
Where you find significance and meaning in ordinary things---where you see faces in
rocks, and thing.
I too feel this way.
Not in the same searching for treasure out in some desert
land, and finding faces in rocks, way.
But in looking for a different kind of treasure, finding clues,
and meanings in everyday events.
I know, perhaps it’s my way of staying afloat, in life---my ray of hope to see
some sort of golden thread to follow in my life. To add meaning to things, and love it better.
To keep my heart open, and flowing, hoping to see God’s
face, carved into every facet of my life.
Pointing me in the right direction.
The right path to follow.
Closer to that great cosmic heart.
Oh look, my heart says, another clue.
Another message.
Something for me to see, and decipher, to help me remember
who God is, who I am, and who you are.
And in that seeing, I find there is something freeing, and a
knowing, that helps me see others, and myself, and God, better.
So I record my findings. Hoping to gather in these bits of
light, pointing me to a treasure that does not fade, or diminish with time.
Pareidolia, some might call it, perhaps.
But it is a kind that keeps my heart shining.
Where I believe that someday, if I follow the clues placed on my path, that the light will grow so great, that someday it will reveal the paradise that has been hidden from us.
The hidden markers usually found in plain sight.
There to for me to find.
To follow.
And bit by bit the face of the divine unfolds, in the most
everyday events.
Markers found, clues, in the unplanned moments, and random
words that flow from mouths.
Messages.
And so.
Perhaps my noticing of them, makes me notice them more. And
maybe it’s something I’ve constructed as a way to keep some sort of magic
element alive in my life. A bit of hope, of some greater scheme than the mundane,
and ordinary things that flow in and out of everyone’s life.
So, I record the markers I find, and follow, the rainbows,
and love, and the messages, and hold them close to my heart. Faces of God
carved into my life, that I have found. And I write them down, carving my own markings
for you to find, and see. So perhaps you may find a thread of your own, to
follow.
To keep your own heart always open. Always hopeful in the
best of yourself, and humanity, and in the divine surrounding us all the time.
Pareidolia.
A spiritual kind.
I find these things, beautiful.
And nourishing. And it makes me feel like God is just right
there. Here.
All the time. And I do believe, that someday, when the golden
thread has been found, and followed, and all the clues and pieces of this
divine puzzle have been placed, and the fractured pieces of the mirror finally
come together.
All the pieces we thought were broken, will be seen clearly.
As never fractured at all. We just hadn’t had a high enough view, to see it.
And so.
Each clue, brings us a little higher.
A little closer to the place where see. Spirit, God, father
mother, all of it, with love.
The oneness surrounding us all the time.
Rainbows, speaking to you, because you noticed them, so God
gave you more.
Gave you more, in so many faces, and people.
Yesterday, we had play practice from nine in the morning
until noon. Our friend Amila took us in her car---which has air conditioning! Which was so nice.
Then when we got home, Bess and I had to empty the truck of all the sticks we had
gathered from the windstorm in our yard, so we could have a car to get some Groceries.
Because we’d put off going to town for several weeks.
So we went shopping, and found some lovely wood pallets Bessie
can build things with. So we loaded the truck full of pallets.
At Ace, I went in search of two special kind of lights that
go into blubs above the table that is at the Airbnb. The owner is away most of
the time, so Bessie and I have been troubleshooting a lot things that need
attention. This time two lights went out, and Bess and I found some
replacements, at least we hoped the lights we picked out were similar enough
that they would work.
Anyhow, as we got to the checkout stand, I asked a very open
and exuberant boy, Name Cody, if he knew the lights we were purchasing would work, like the original. I brought one of the original lights to compare them with.
He wasn’t sure. And said he didn’t know anything about light
bulbs. So he called someone in who might know. A girl, and she sat there
thinking maybe they weren’t right.
Bess whispered really loudly that she thought the girl was
wrong, and that they would work. Either way, I told the girl it was alright if
she didn’t know, and that I’d buy them, and hope I could return them if they
did not work, as they were quite expensive for two little lights, 12 dollars to be exact.
She said yes, and I noticed writing tattooed along her arm,
and asked her what it said. She smiled, and seemed pleased I had noticed. And
said, holding her arm so I could read it. “In your darkest
moments,I was there.” Then she pointed out two little angel wings on her arm. She said. My dad’s ashes are ingrained
into the tattoo.
I told her I was sorry
that her dad had passed away, and that he must have been very important to her.
She seemed as if she had felt seen, for a moment, and said he
had meant a lot to her.
I thought it very beautiful, that a woman trying to help us
purchase lights, would have a tattoo on her arm, that would denote that a
father was with her, in her darkest moments.
To help her see.
Light.
And I do believe that our father, the divine light, is with
us always.
I have seen it so many times.
Felt it.
Gods love is tattooed into our very beings, his ashes of
love burning bright for us to see by.
The message.
I am with you, in your darkest moments.
And the beautiful thing was.
I was going to put off putting the lights in the fixture,
until a later time. But I felt nudged to replace them, as soon as the groceries were put away. Bess
came with me, and we rode our bikes to the house.
And upon arriving we both noticed a huge amount of water flooding
the side of the house, and running down the sidewalk. Way too much water. I was
very afraid, at first. I don’t know how long the soaker hose had been turned
on. There was an automatic gizmo that had been programed to turn on at a
certain time. It was a bit confusing and I was glad the owner of the house had
figured it out.
Either way, it wasn’t working properly, and I was worried I
had somehow caused it to malefaction in my comings and goings.
I was also afraid that it had been flooding the house for
weeks--under the house. Worried that maybe that’s why mice were coming in the house. A lot of
worries. As the house is under my watch.
Yet…
We replaced the light bulbs.
And some fabric softener that had run out. And the lights
did work.
And I am so grateful the lights went out.
Because if they hadn’t.
I might not have found the water problem flooding the house.
So.
I called the owner, and told her what happened, and that
made me feel a lot better. I was worried she'd be angry at me.
But she was glad we’d found the problem, and I was happy that she was kind about it.
So in retrospect.
I am very glad two little lights needed to be replaced.
Because it made it so I could see the water flooding the house, in time.
In your darkest moments.
God is there.
The Father of us all.
God’s ashes.
And when we see the light, God lives through us, and is resurrected
within our lives.
The divine Mother.
Cradling our hearts.
And when lights go out.
That too is a gift. For you to see other things by.
So know.
When lights flicker.
When they go out.
It's only because you need to see something else.
Know every bit that his happening to you, is happening for you.
So you can see his your father’s hand working even in your darkest
moments.
Keeping your house from flooding way.
I'm so grateful for light.
My sister, and her son just stopped in. I was writing when I heard this beautiful bird sound in the hallway. I thought maybe a bird had gotten into the house. I had to go look, and found my sister and nephew with cute bird whistle. Hiding, waiting for me to find them. You put water in the pipe, and blow, and bird sounds flow forth.
I cooked them some food, and I guess I better stop, to go see if they need anything else. Maybe go for a swim.
I am sitting here listening to the
loud pipes in my house flowing out water to the yard.
It's so hot outside!!!
But clouds are building, so maybe we will get rain.
There has been many things
happening. Lots of in and outs, and up's and downs. This is going to be a long post.
This post is going to be full
of random tidbits. Because this month as been full of so much, I’m not sure how
to condense it all. Plus there are tidbits I wanted to write before, and weren’t
sure how to incorporate them all. So this my attempt at sharing the bits I
think are worth keeping in my memory.
On the13th Bess and I
were asked to take music to the bird center.
A place for seniors to eat a couple
times a month and listen to local artist perform.
A lady heard us sing for the Blue
notes concert, and asked us to sing, since she liked it so much. I guess we
were taking the place of the Doug (the guy who does our plays and musicals) as
he was on vacation.
Bess and I gathered our music together,
and Bess did a lot of the figuring out of things. We learned a Irish song, “The Rattlin bog” they day before performance. We had watched this video, a while a go, and wanted to learn it after we heard it.
Bess came while I was working at the
Airbnb, and sat on the couch singing it to me, so I could memorize it along
with her. Which I very much appreciated, because sometimes I get so focused on
what it is I’m doing, she helps me to be more present, and have fun with life.
It is a really fun song, and if you’ve
ever heard the song, “the hole in the bottom of the sea. It’s very much like
that song.
We learned it enough, the day of the
performance, we had fun teaching some of it to the audience.
It was a Father’s day meal, and celebration.
Also a happy Birthday sign was up to celebrate the June birthdays. My dad was
there, and he was happy to have us sing for him and his friends.
We brought mics and our amp. But a
mouse had chewed through one of our cords, so it stopped working.
So we moved really close to the
tables, and it was quite nice. As they had a little mic we used that instead.
We were very much with the audience, instead of far away, which they did like,
and appreciate.
We sang songs they knew, like “Oh
give me a home, and You are my sunshine. And we passed out instruments, and had
them play along with us.
Overall, it was a small crowd, but
very nice. Everyone was happy to participate, and their faces seemed to come
alive for a moment. And that was very satisfying.
I brought my little koto, and though
I didn’t play anything on it, I let whoever wanted to try it, to strum the
strings. One man knew what it was, and said that when he was in the navy, he
had gone to Japan, and had a girlfriend who played the koto.
He was missing a finger, so he didn’t
really want to strum it. But was kind, and very attentive. I was impressed that
he knew what it was.
Bess also let people try her violin,
and some people were curious to try the singing bowls. As we had sung O Danny
boy to the singing bowl.
There was a funny man, who was
always cracking jokes---the president of the Bird center. He was very
attentive, and kind. He got up and made a speech about how he and another lady
had had a baby the previous week. I had thought him serious, but I guess they
both are in charge of the center, and were involved in buying a new buss, and a
commercial dishwasher for the center. And he was very happy, as he said they
had waited along time for both these items, and he said he felt like he was a
father watching his two children be born, seeing their heads crown as they came
out.
He was quite a hoot, and made Bessie
and I both laugh.
The president was very appreciative,
and kind, and wanted to pay us something. I think he got $45.00 of his own
monies, and paid us because he enjoyed it so much. He said, I thought I was
going to be going to another boring meal, and it wasn’t. It really made us feel
loved, and valued that he’d want to do that.
That day my sister, was also getting
her Dog fixed, as she did not want to have to worry about Honey having more
puppies. The unusual bit was we ran into someone---who I think was someone who
bought Tux, one of our puppies several months ago. We weren’t sure if the lady
remembered us. But I think the puppy did, because it looked very happy to see
us, and his mom. We didn’t say anything. But we were pretty sure that was tux.
In other news.
There have been a lot of people
coming and going at the airbnb. Who would think this little town has such
comings and goings. And I keep telling myself, that It’s God’s air bnb, and
that’s who I’m cleaning for, and so I’m just cleaning God’s Airbnb for a time.
But sometimes I have a hard time being present while I’m cleaning, especially
if I’m under a time limit. I try to listen to my gurus, or music while I clean
to keep me centered. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I forget, and sometimes I
remember.
Though sometimes I’m not sure how
much I like cleaning, because ever since I was a kid, it seems cleaning things
was what was required of me. So it’s something I’m good at because our family
has so much stuff, and so many kids, and people, and dishes. So when you do
something so much, you do get good at it.
Sometimes especially when it's a big mess, it can be wearisome. What I like about cleaning the airbnb, is there isn't much stuff to organize. It's very simple, and tidy. And it feels cleaner when I'm done, than at my own house, which is always needing to be cleaned, though it is very, very lived in, and loved.
Other times I find it very
satisfying. Beautifying a room. Making it feel spacious, and safe, and warm,
like a soul is living there. Making something beautiful that might have not
been seen before.
The best part about it, is that I’ve
been bringing flowers into the house, and arranging bouquets. That gives me a
lot of pleasure.
Flowers, arranging them.
Leaving notes on the bed for people
to find. My mom makes quilled cards, and lets me write in them.
One time, I was cleaning a room, and
I noticed a jar of perfume. With an unusual name. I took note of it. And then
later, when the guest left. They left the perfume, like they saw that I was
curious about it.
Because they left it, it ended up in
my possession. And I don’t usually like non-organic smells. Essential oils are
mostly my favorite smell. Also, they are much more healthy. Though, I quite
like this smell. And though I think it is a man musk. It smells good.
And there has been a wee mouse,
invading the house. Which caused some drama. As it was eating things it shouldn't.
With a little effort, and wisdom, it
was caught under the bed of one of the guests---making quite a racket. I caught
it in one of my green traps.
So hopefully the now all the non-paying guests are
now evicted.
I took him home to feed him to my dogs. Though he was such a cute fellow, I felt bad.
But I guess grace was in its favor. Because I dumped him out. And the dogs just let him zip by them. Then right afterward a mini twister floated over my head, and a little ways off. It was very peculiar.
Another odd thing about working
there. Is the previous owner of the house, used to have a husband who had been
in a wheelchair most of his life. She was a kind lady, who was always sewing,
always giving. She loved giving and buying things, and her motto and favorite
church hymn was, “Because I have been given much, I too must give.” The odd bit
was, one week, I had been working there a lot, and giving it a lot of my
attention, when one night, I got a friend request, and a message, from the
women who was the previous owner of the house. The message said. “Hi how are
you doing?”
This was on facebook. I clicked on
the picture of the lady, and it had a close up of her eyes. And I was confused,
and showed my mom and sister. That lady had passed away a couple years ago.
I think her account had been hacked.
But I thought it was very interesting, and a bit on the twilight-zone side.
That of all people that would message me. It was her---well at least some sort
of replica.
Either way, I thought about
answering the message like this. “Hi, Sandy. I’m doing just fine. I just got
though cleaning your house. And I hope your happy to know, your yard is very
much on the mend. The grass looks green. Well most of it. And some flowers are
blooming. I hope you are well. And know, your house is like a little nest, with
birds staying for a while, and then flying away. It is a house, that flows with
people going in and out. And I’m keeping watch over it.”
In other news.
My brother Stan came down with his
kids the other day, I had to clean the Airbnb, and there was just a lot of
things going on that day, so much so when I hit the pillow, I fell asleep, like
a log, and didn’t move.
I usually get up, and go outside to
my tent, because the house is too stale. But I thought my soft bed was
wonderful, and it was so nice to rest.
This Thursday I was in the middle of
koto lessons, visiting with my koto teacher, learning a new song I’m excited
about. My teacher told me about a song she had written a couple years ago. Called
rainbow. Or Niji in Japanese. It can mean rainbow or two o clock. I had to look
it up afterward, and thought was quite lovely. A fun song to listen to. And as
I have been very much looking for the rainbows of life, they seem to find me, when
I need them in some way.
My sister surprised me the other
day, when she cleaned her room, and put a mirror by her window, and then set
sun catchers all over. So every morning as the sun rises, her room lights up
with rainbows.
Then, Doug---our play director made a video (somewhere over the rainbow) A month ago, I believe a few days after the our Blue notes concert, he sang and played his guitar, and he compiled all his rainbow pictures.
Then the lady I work for, says to me
out of the blue, her granddaughter is in the rainbow stage, where everything
she wears has to be rainbows.
And also, a rainbow that happened
right after our blue notes concert, was, the women who were in charge of the
meal, set up tables covered in rainbow colored tablecloths. And it was so
curious to walk into that room, and see this rainbow pattern there.
While were cleaning up
decorations the stage, a few days after the performance blue notes concert. A big group
of high school kids, were all on the stage, singing Beetles songs. We paused as we were taking down the pillars
behind them, and sat in the audience to watch
them sing, "Blackbird singing in the dead of night."
What was significant about this,
was that same day, one of Bessie’s violin students had said that she’d like our
concert, but wished we had sang beetles songs.
So what do you know. The high school
kids, were all doing just that.
All these little things just makes me smile, when I
see, or hear them. Little bits of light, and color. Like God saying the
storm is over, and the light is shining, and grace of rain has made the earth
soft enough that colors, and light shine out gifts for us all to see.
Gifts.
Blackbirds singing.
Like the other day, when I got home
from cleaning at the air bnb. My sister said she had a surprise for me.
Surprised I wondered.
I was confused.
And she held up a ten dollar bill.
She said. My student paid me this.
And I nodded.
And then she held up a 100 dollar
bill.
And she said, her student paid you
this.
Whoot? ME?
I was confused. Why?
Bess smiled, and said, that her
student had wanted to pay me for the foot massage I had given her last week.
And wanted to know if I would give
her another one soon. Bessie said it was so beautiful the way her student had
come, and been so full of love, and joy, and had waited patiently for me to
come back so she could give me this gift.
But because I was slow. Bessie gave
it to me instead. Bessie said she wished I could have seen how full of love her
student was, just beaming it out. Just so full of love, so full of God. She
said, it was so beautiful the way in which she gave it, it was so good. And
something she always wants to remember.
It really warmed my heart, and soul.
Such unplanned beautiful gifts are nourishing to me. It feels like some seeds
of love that got planted found good ground.
And I thank God for those gifts of
love. Also I’m sure her mother had something to do with it. And I know her
mother was sending of love as well. The previous week I had massaged her
mothers sore shoulder. And she wanted to know how to repay me. And I told her
to pay it forward to someone else.
And she did.
Another beautiful thing happened, as
well.
Yesterday, after play practice, I
was feeling tired. It was very hot, and we had been singing outside. For
some reason I was having very difficult time focusing, there. And just felt overwhelmed
by everyone’s vibes. Then when we got home, who shows up than my
neighbor beekeeper friend, who is a very kind soul, who has had many, many
children, and works very hard. Bessie and I had wanted to give her something,
and had given her a massage the previous week. I’d massaged her feet, and Bessie
massaged her back. And she was so appreciative. And also wanted to give us something
in return. And brought some bee’s wax, and comfrey leaves for us to make a
healing massage oil during the week.
And here she came again, with peas
she’d grown, and some beet greens, and several essential oils, so we can
continue to give massages. I gave her a hug. And I felt her beaming out so much love. It was so soft, and kind. It warmed my heart.
I find these beautiful souls so
wonderful. So refreshing. Such fertile ground for love. It’s so nourishing to feel
love bloom almost as soon as you plant a little seed, and this love just grows,
and gives, and nourishes so many. And I thank God to be able to see some of the
fruits of it.
Another rainbow for me, was on my
birthday, my friend who is the church choir director showed up, and brought
grapes, and tomatoes, and blueberries, and a couple of her kids, and just a
beautiful kind heart to wish me well.
I gave her some cake, and thanked
her. And then she sent me a lovely message later that week, which really warmed
my heart.
Her daughter mentioned to me before
they left, she just had a birthday, and she got a rainbow volley ball. That
same day, our neighbor friend came over and we had a beautiful time at the
canal swimming, and talking, and sharing a moment. And I could feel my heart
voom and unfold. And it felt so good to have an open heart, vooming in love
with Bessie and her.
When I got home, my little sister
had come with her son, and he had caught a catfish, and wanted to cook it and share
it with me.
Her son was so excited, and he loves
fish so very much. He watched me eat a couple pieces of the catfish they had
cooked, with such satisfaction. I hugged him, and told him thank you. And I
could feel his little heart say thank you in return.
So anywhow.
Rainbows.
Gifts.
It might be just because I’m
noticing them that they appear more. Like driving a white car, you notice all
the other white cars.
Still, it’s something that feels
like God working in the background, like a language of love that I see, and gives
me hope.
Here’s the song, “Rainbow” my koto
teacher wrote.
She noted that she wrote
this song long before rainbows were associated with other things. I told her, I
understood, and rainbows are beautiful pure things, that come from water, and
light and I love them.
Something that happened while I was
in the middle of koto lessons was, my brother Nate knocked on the door, and
told me that my mom’s brother had killed himself. And the neighbor’s found him.
It was not the best of times to tell me so. But I think it was because he was
so very upset.
My brother and him had been pretty
close. My Mom’s brother missed his wife a lot, and was old, and declining in
years, and he had gotten rid of his guns, so he wouldn’t do what he had just
done.
So I felt very bad for my brother,
and my mom.
I wasn’t really close to him, but
last year he started visiting us, and Bess and I sang for him, and made him
supper and tried our best to be good to him.
When he was younger he was a para-glider, and loved flying so very much. He had a lot of flying stories, and
had some accidents where he had broken every bone in his body. So now in his
older years, and his wife passing, he’s been very lonely.
So in his passing, my mom has been
on the phone a lot, arranging things. Writing memories of him. She and her
brother weren’t very close, but I do feel that they were both trying to be
friends towards the end. And it is quite a shock to hear that someone has ended
their own life. And so very, very sad.
The problem with the way that he
went, though, is it causes those you leave behind to feel quite sad. As we are
all one. And it makes us all wonder what we could have done to keep him here a
bit longer.
Also, I was very vague in my last
post, about my mom’s choking accident. It was so upsetting to me, I didn’t want
to write a charged post, until I felt more calm. So, to make a long story
short, she had been having some heart problems, and we had been feeding her
various potions.
Cyanne pepper had been helping her,
so I’d been putting it in everything. Cookies, and drinks, etc.
One day, I guess while I was trying
to nap, I heard her cough. She had gone to the fridge, and taken some herb my
sister Rochelle had made, for the heart, it had a bit of Rum in it or something
alcoholic, and it was very, very sweet---I think it was a hawthorn berry drink.
It surprised my mom, and it caused her to inhale wrong, and it got it
into her lungs, and made it so she couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know what she had
eaten, when I heard her cough, from my room, she has this residual cough, so it
took several coughs before I decided I better check on her.
When I found her, she was doubled
over, hardly able to keep upright on her canes, and gasping for air. I thought
she was choking, so I went to give her the Heimlich. But she protested and
managed to gasp out a few words. It was terrifying. I was so scared. I was
ready to call an ambulance, but she protested. Bess and Nate heard me calling
out, and they stood by, and we all tried to help steady my mom, and finally got
her calmed down, so she was able to breathe. Having to be very present in a very painful moment, was a lot. As all we could do, was be with my mom. And just so shortly after having to be so very present with my sisters pain.
She was coughing for many
hours after. It really---really scared me. It was an overwhelming sorrow I
felt. I think it was one of the most helpless moments I’ve felt, in a long
time. And I’m so grateful that she is okay. Phew.
It made me realize how very close we
all are to life, and death. And being, and not being.
And how every breath is a gift.
The interesting thing is, I think my
mom’s heart is doing better, now.
So maybe all the coughing fixed it.
Somehow.
In other news, I really wanted to
get our lawnmower working.
This was a very strong desire.
As our yard was looking so very
bedraggled, like nobody cared about it.
We had a non working lawnmower---a
discarded one we found, one I thought we might could get working. It sat in our
backyard for maybe a year or two.
My brother said it only needed a few
tweaks. I had been using the hand mower for many years, four I think…and I
liked a lot.
But for tall weeds, and long
alfalfa, and fluffy tall edges…
Something with a motor was very
needed at this time.
Anywho. We had some really tall
weeds, and the hand mower isn’t as sharp as it used to be. And the sticker
weeks have been getting very abundant. It’s not fun to pick sticker weeds out
of shoes, and fur, and other things.
I asked my my brother Nate if he
would fix it, and he said that if I gave him a haircut, he would fixed the
lawnmower. His hair and beard were getting very super shaggy. So I said yes.
It seems everyone has dubbed me the
family barber.
I don’t know why. It just happened
to be so.
Trimming my dad's nose hairs, and ear hairs,
and all sorts of hairs.
I don’t even think I’m that great at
trimming hair. You get really up close with people, trimming hair. Sometimes it's a big ask.
It took Nate only maybe ten or
15mins to get the lawn mower working.
And when I cut my brothers hair, it looked so much better.
As did the yard, when I trimmed it.
And I was so happy to chop some of
those weeds down that have been so muchy in our yard. Nice to be able to walk
with socks on again.
It got really windy that day, I had
ear muffs on, and it got windy, windy, and I nearly got everything trimmed
before the wind got really strong---70mph. It was very gusty, and covered the
yard in a truckload of sticks.
So many, which was really rude,
because it covered the lawn yet again.
It was a job getting them all
raked up. Bess helped me, which was very nice.
It’s been so strange, it feels like
life has these huge crests, and troughs.
These beautiful pauses.
And then accelerations.
And some total moments of
exhaustion.
I never gave an update about my
sister, her jaw, and tooth.
Partially because life has seemed so
muchy, I don’t want to add to the muchyness.So much family stuff. And trying to be a steady human, sometimes is hard.
The day we went to the dentist, our
puppy Shiloh who hasn’t found a home yet, big puppy now, found a little baby
bird by the barn. I think he was about to eat it, but I scooped it up.
It was so naked and cute, ugly,
fluffy. So helpless. I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I wanted to plop it back
where it had fallen from. But I didn’t know if I could get it where it had come
from. And I was in a hurry. So I made a little nest for it in the house, and
got ready to go.
My mom was also needing some dental
work done, but her heart was really bothering her that day, and she wasn’t
feeling well.
So Bess and I made the trip, and I
also took the baby bird with me.
Tiny baby bird.
Fuzzy cute thing.
And held it almost all day, trying
to keep it warm, and feeding it some dog food.
We waited in the dentists office a
about an hour, and talked to the nurse, whose name was Mary, I think. And she
was quite a beautiful soul. So that was nice.
All in all, the dentist told Bess
that he thought her tooth’s root was detached and had been damaged too much.
Thought it needed a root canal, and crown.
It hadn’t been very many weeks since
the incident, the tooth was very sore, and still loose. Bess asked if we could
wait to see if the root healed. He said yes. So instead she got some other
dental work done. It was an alright trip. Though quite intense.
Because neither of us have been to the city in…I’m not sure how many years. So
the traffic, and just going to the Smiths in Springville seemed a big event. It
seemed everyone felt very isolated, and lonely. And Bessie burst into tears at the
store, and was very emotional.
I bought some flowers to take home,
and some herb plants to take home. It was interesting, because Bess and I both
noted that perhaps why it has been hard being with a lot of people, is because
we can sense and feel them, at level that is a bit overwhelming.
To feel the anxiety of the drivers
behind you.
Is very much a real thing, though it
sounds a bit far out.
The little baby bird was
my happy thought, the whole time, and kept me entertained.
Though when we got home, I put him
in an insulated cooler with hot water bottles. I guess, not hot enough, because
it was cold in the morning, and didn’t make it.
It made me cry. I had gotten
attached to the little bugger. One day.
One day. Taking care of it. The
little fluffy chicken nugget.
Bess hasn’t been eating very many
solid things because of her tooth, but she bought some cool stuff called Dentite
and she says it’s made it so she can sort of bite down, and thinks she is
gaining feeling in that tooth.
I sure hope so. But she always tries to be optimistic, and cheerful even when things look grim.
Healing is an interesting thing. And many doctors don't seem to believe that the body has the ability to heal itself.
I feel that the medical industry is
very much in need of a balance energy. A more caring, compassionate, feminine
energy, that is more holistic, and intuitive, and knowing. A kind of knowing
that goes beyond science. The kind that believes in the divine energy within
the body that, if given the right ingredients, and love, and seeing, can heal
itself.
I do feel this is sorely needed. And
a more gentle, soft care that looks at people as souls, not just bodies. Where
herbs, and plants, and healing sounds, and healing spaces, would be the
framework for something much better than what exists today.
A platform where people didn’t have
to be so afraid of getting insurance, and going into debt just to have someone
look at their hurt. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if healing was a gift we gave to
each other, the more we paused, and mended as best we could our own hurts, and those around us, so we could
look at, and be with in each other and help the world heal, as well.
Where the therapists, and doctors,
and nurses, and gurus, teachers, and spiritual oracles, and those taught, were
all learning, and healing one another.
That would be really beautiful.
Where things were all connected.
So that when you healed one part in
another, you yourself were healed as well.
I do believe there is wisdom in
this. And truth.
And the only place to start is
within yourself.
I wrote this poem at the beginning
of this month. The other day, my little sister who is a school teacher, and divorced, and tired of the city, has moved to a camper at my dads farm for the summer months. Her and her son really wanted me to see the horses they just bought. And she bought four wild horses that came from the desert, to raise and tame, and resell. They are all beautiful. Two are pregnant. My sister and I haven't always seen each other clearly. And though things have been very intense. And I'm trying to be a better sister, and daughter, and see everyone the way they deserve. She also bought two mini goats, one of which had two babies just a day ago. And some chickens. I am happy to see them enjoying the country.
My sister bought her son a tiny wheelbarrow he'd wanted for so long
While we were visiting the horses. The sky lit up with the most intense sunset. This reflects a little how I feel on the inside. And in memory of my uncles passing, I share this poem, and these beautiful sunset pictures.
Sunset
Reprise
I
look.
And
I wonder…
The
tide of my life, ebbs and flows. Rises, and lows.
The
sunsets glow, so beautiful.
Something
to be with, a treasure a now.
And
one cannot hold it, nor ask it to stay longer than a moment.
No
longer than a moment, can I ask you to stay.
No
longer than a moment.
I
can’t hold wings from flying away.
No
longer than a moment…
When
I see the real inside of you and me.
And
if the moment fades.
And
darkness takes its place.
I’ll
hold that red sunset, the golden hues, the silver lining, where I saw the real,
me and you.
Before
the sun went down, before the world dawned its gray gown.
I
saw the truth, a flickering spark.
I
saw God.
Inside
my own heart.
And
I felt my own good.
I
saw you.
And
so as life changes, and flows.
And
light and dark dance, and the wind does blow.
I’ll
keep in a jar, the memory I had.
Of
the golden light, a moment, where our hearts were glad.
I’ll
gather in all the truth.
And
I’ll weave a golden thread, out of all the bits of light I have found.
And
turn them into a golden sound.
That
someday, someone will hear, and know.
A
song, a sunset, a silhouette, a paradise, a space, holy ground.
I’ll
keep the memory bright of what is most real.
The
goodness of love.
The
golden hue that can heal.
The laughter, the truth, the flow and the youth.
The
moments where the heart was soft, and sharing and kind.
The
moment we looked, and we saw how beautiful God is, all the time.
And
if the darkness covers your eyes.
I’ll
sing who you are with my heart, my sunset my reprise.