Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Hiccuping Shopping Cart

I was thinking about all the strange, funny things that happen in life. Me, myself, and I make a great team, when it comes to the humor department. I play terribly funny jokes on myself, without even knowing it.

Take for instance, the fact that when graced with a new idea, especially when it has to do with health, I'll usually try it, just to see if there is any interesting, happy results.

This strange habit of mine always gets me into interesting situations. For instance, yesterday, when I decided to try a new anti wrinkle concoction. (please note that most of my concoctions are very nice) But this one, was very unpleasant. I mixed up some clay powder, with a heaping tablespoon of cayenne pepper, some honey, and some Neem powder. I rubbed it all over my face, around my eyes, and down my neck, thinking that the heat from the cayenne was good for circulation a overall beauty and health.

The day before, I had tried the clay and cayenne, and it had felt okay---not too hot. I'm guessing that the clay from the day before dried out my skin, so that's why my experience was so000000oo0 very unpleasant. Two minutes passed before I felt my face and neck pulsing with heat. It felt like I'd put my face in a pan of boiling oil. I was rather irritated that my skin was being so sensitive today, so I figured that I just needed to leave it on a little bit longer and all would be well.
However it just got hotter, my nose started to run, and my eyes started watering so bad that I couldn't see. I ran to the tap and started scrubbing off all my wonderful facial. The more I scrubbed the hotter it got. My face became so bright red that you could have roasted bacon on it and still had room to fry a steak. Seriously. It was soooo hot! I put milk on my face, but that didn't help. So I butchered our aloe plant and smeared aloe juice on my face. After that, I went to the honey jar and plastered that on my face as well. Then I put some neem oil, which is great for burns, on my face. All in all, it took awhile for my face to simmer down, and I did not have to call the fire department to have them put out the fire on my face. Though, it crossed my mind.

Oh, and did I say that my mom, sister, and brother all laughed at me? But I don't blame them. I laughed at myself too. If you're wondering the status of my skin today? Well, the skin smooth and soft, and feels nice and firm. So maybe, (VERY BIG, CAUTIOUS, MAYBE) when I'm feeling the need to torture myself again....I'll brave the horrors of cayenne (only after I've moisturized my face veryyyyyyy heavily)

So that was one funny, horrible thing. Yeah, I know, I should be nice to myself. I thought I was being nice though. Second funny, when I went out to pick asparagus, in our ditch outback. It had started to drizzle, and the clouds overhead were looking very dark and nasty. But I pressed on anyway. Just as I got out there, the rain began to pour down in sheets, cats, dogs, geese, tigers, and elephants. I went ahead ignoring the downpour, through the mud, over rocks and hills. I wanted to prove to the rain, or whatever, that I was super woman, "The woman" who could travel though rain, mud, and wind to reach the goal. Nothing could stop me. The further I went, the more drenched I became. I had to get down in the muddy ditch to get asparagus, and got very muddy myself. The rain became more fierce, and pelted against my body trying to get me to go back home. Pretty soon, I could feel the wetness seeping into my underclothes. Not cool. When I reached the end of the ditch I decided to go back on the other side, where it was much more muddier, in hopes of finding more asparagus. As I went, I began to feel very dilapidated, and soggy. My shoes squeaked with water, and felt extremely heavy because of the huge logs of mud that kept building under their treads as I walked. Then, to my horror, I found that the bag I was putting the asparagus in had conveniently acquired a slit, so who knows how much hard-earned asparagus I had lost on the way. I stood there feeling like a pretty picture of a person. Soggy, cold, muddy, with a bag that had a hole in it. Nice, Steph, real nice. (funny?) not then. But now (yes) The things we do to prove to the rain that we are tough. (I mean really, does the rain care if I sit out in it all day) No. Just like mud doesn't care if I stand in it all day. Sometimes it's just better to wait until the sun comes out. Seriously.

Third funny,

Last weekend, my sister and I had a pity party, as we all do, when life just keeps on handing you onions. And when life hands you onions, you don't have any choice but to cry. However, when life hands you lemons, you can pucker, that's it, and possibly make some lemonade---if you have enough suger. Onions, on the other hand, can't be made into lemonade. That is, not unless you want onion juice. And I don't see how drinking onion juice can make anybody happy. Onions, can only be chopped up, stewed, and fried.

So my sister, having been handed an especially powerful 'Onion,' wanted to make the best of it, and we both went to town to forget our troubles and pick up some items at the grocery store for my mom. When we got to the store, I went to grab a cart, but my sister pulled one out before me, and so I took it, and away we went. Ca-chunk-ca-chunk-ca-chunk. The cart throttled its way down the isle like one ridden with palsy. It sounded worse than a washing machine that has been way overloaded.
We started to laugh. "We should put it back," my sister murmured.
I shook my head, getting that, 'We can trudge through the rain even if we don't have umbrellas---we can take any cart that's handed to us, even if it sounds like its having seizures," look. I guess I can be a sucker for punishment, but we kept the cart. As we went past other shoppers, where one usually nods very discreetly to the other shopper, that was no longer an option.
The cart-ca-chunked-ca-chunked so loudly that the other shoppers started to giggle, and we laughed. The cart let everyone know that we were there. The cart, though very handicapped, caused us to forget the truckload of onions waiting for us at home. We strolled through the store, with our sneezing, hiccuping cart, joking that perhaps the cart had a blood sugar drop, and needed some candy. However, we settled on filling the cart with strawberries, but the cart kept on hiccuping, letting the world know that, the 'Skeem' girls were taking their dear sweet time buying milk.
When we got to the checkout, the cashier, laughed and said, "oh you have THE CART," as if he knew the implications of pushing it around.
I giggled and said, "So you know about THE CART?"
He smiled and told me that he could hear us pushing "THE CART" a mile away.
I commented on the fact that it was a beast to push around.
He started to laugh. "Yeah, the cart got hit by a car, so that's why it's so noisy. should have let that hobo take it when he tried to wheel the cart away."
"A bum tried to take the cart?"
"Yeah, but I tackled him and got it back."
I smiled, thinking of a hobo trying to wheel off the noisy, handicapped cart, only to be tackled. Poor guy.

As I left the store with my sister, I thought of the cart---the broken cart that lurched like stick shift truck. I wondered what other stories were attached to the cart. Perhaps life is a lot like that cart. We all have different carts, some get get hit by cars, other get wheeled off by hobos, some don't get used, some are decorated with gold, silver and filled with riches, some are empty, and some get overused, but no matter what our circumstances, it's still up to us to make the best out of whatever 'cart' we get dealt with--hiccuping cart, or not. It's up to us to fill our cart with good things, and take out the bad things that other people put in it. Life is meant to be fun. Learn to laugh, even while pushing a cart with hiccups, a cart full of onions. What matters is that we keep pushing the cart. Eventually we'll get to the checkout and find that everything happens for a reason. Life is beautiful. Live it. Keep on pushing your cart.


  1. You are so awesome. I love your sweet positive attitude! I feel better just being around you (your words)!

  2. Thank you. That really means a lot to me!
    Hope you have a great day



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