Monday, April 19, 2010

Conversation With The Big Man Upstairs

Dear blog,

I know you and I haven't had a chat in a while. So I guess we'll chat. A lot has happened since we last talked. My world has changed drastically. It's like someone blindsided me, and I'm just totally baffled.

It's like I woke up one morning, and God said, guess what, I'm going to take away your dad. Not only that, I'm going to take everything you've ever known and loved and I'm going to turn it upside down. Now howdah like that?"

And God's sitting there, rubbing his hands together, sayin, "Okay, Steph, now's your big chance. What are ya going to do with this whopper of a trial?"

And poor little Steph looks up, scratches her head, and says, "I don't get it? Is this some kind of joke. Because it's not really that funny?"

God looks down and says, "Well, maybe not. But I'm refining you, making you better."

Bewildered Steph raises her hands in confusion, "God, I thought that refined things were bad for you. Like sugar and that sort of thing. You know it's not all that healthy? Refined stuff causes cancer, and stress is not healthy, is it?"

God smiles. "Yes, you're right, refined things that man makes are very undesirable and corrupt. Their silly ways at playing God never work. When they could be following me, they seek to discover ways around me. But my ways are not your ways. Your refining isn't my kind of refining. When I refine, I make better. I make perfect. You understand?"

Steph shakes her head. "I don't know. I'm feeling pretty homogenized right now, and far from being better. God, it feels like your cooking me in the Microwave. How much longer do you want me to fry? I'm afraid if you leave me in here too long, I'm going to go up in a puff of smoke."

God laughs. "I don't microwave. I've use a really nifty a melting pot. When I'm through with you, there's going to be a lot more to you than just smoke. I'm thinking more on the line of Gold."

"You mean coal. It's black and sooty."

"No, G-O-L-D, as in shiny."

So when is this "gold" going to happen. I'm not feeling shiny. Feels like you hate me, like I hate me."

"Hate is a strong word."

"Yeah, I know."

"So why do you think I hate you. Why do you hate you?"

"Because you must think I've got some terrible flaws to put me through this. So others can't help but think the same thing."

"That's what Job's friends thought too. But they were wrong."



"Why then?"

"Why not?"

"Why not?! Why not? I'll tell you why, because it's lame. Everything was perfect before this came along."

"Really, your family was perfect?"

"Well, almost."

"Almost isn't perfect. And that's why."

"Gosh, your a perfectionist."

"I'm God. Can't help it. It's in the genes."

"In the genes?"

"Yes, and its in your genes too. You are my child, so you can't be content with imperfection. I want to make you perfect."

"I don't see how you're going to make me perfect with this trial, God. I mean, it seems like it's bringing out everybody's flaws, and everybody is just getting nasty and rude and mean, and those who are nice are getting hurt."

"My son was bruised for your transgressions, do you think you are above him?"


"But what? Trials will bring out the best in some, the worst in others. It's all apart of the refining process. You see, I can't fix things people hide. Like resentment, or unforgivness. Once those things are out in the open is when they can be fixed (in place) or fixed as in repaired."

"Funny reasoning."

"I thought you said it wasn't funny."

"Funny as in---strange."

"Thank you. My was are peculiar."

"Yeah, I agree."

"I'm glad you finally agree with me."

"I do?"

"Yeah, you do."

"God, I just have one more question, I mean, since we're all agreeing and everything. Why do I feel so alone? Why don't people believe me? Haven't I been honest all my life? Haven't I tried to do my best with what you've given me? Why do I have to carry this load alone. Sometimes I just get so tired.

"I sent my son to this earth, and they didn't believe him either, and he was perfect.
He died on the cross, and I had to hide my face from him---he was alone, tired, and tempted. You have never been alone, and you never will be. My son took care of that so you wouldn't have to."



"Thank you."

"Your welcome."

"Oh, and one more thing."

"I'm always listening."

"You know those trials you were talking about?"

"Yeah. But I prefer to call them 'love notes,' because I send them to those I love."

"Well, after all this perfecting is completed, could you send those, 'love-notes,' you call trials, somewhere else. I mean, I'm feeling overly-loved."

"Gosh, I don't know. I love you lots."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Awe, you're just sayin that."

"No, I'm shouting it! No more love-letters. Not unless they're flowing with milk and honey."

"Oh, but they are."

"You have a very active imagination."

"So do you."

"If they were filled with milk and honey, how come I'm not drinking a glass of milk, and dipping my fingers into a sweet honey-jar, right now?"

"Perhaps, if you took a look around you, you would see the wonderful blessings I have heaped before you. They have always been there."



"Gosh, I need a new pair of glasses. Hey, is that glass half full, or half empty?"

"Only you can answer that."


  1. Thank you so much for posting that. I needed it. You write beautifully :)
    I'm so sorry about your dad :(
    Is there anything I can do to help?

  2. I love your writing. I can't wait until your books are in print. I've read your posts over and over, and they always make me feel good. Thanks for posting.

  3. I'm rooting for you! Your writing has touched me.

  4. Chelise,

    Thank you. You're so awesome. Hope things are going okay for you. xoxo.
    Things surrounding my dad are very complicated. Hard to talk about. Divorce isn't a cool subject. So I'll just leave it in hands that are much bigger than mine.

    I really appreciate your comments.


  5. Spring is an amazing season. I love it. But when Summer comes is it right for me to be angry with God for taking Spring away? To miss the blossoms so bitterly that I feel no anticipation for the ripening fruit? And anyway, Spring never belonged to me, so how can I claim to have been robbed? I don't wish to minimize your pain at your dad's passing, but don't you have the memories of all that he did for you? The anticipation of ways to strengthen your relationship when you do see him again?

  6. Thank you! That was a very thoughtful thing to say. I totally agree with you on that. We should never let winter blot out the memories of spring. God always does things for a reason, and his ways are much higher than mine. Also just to clarify, I've been vague about the status of my dad---I guess, because it's still a tender issue. I'm sorry that I have given the message that my dad has passed on. In reality, he is still here. But...I still feel like I've lost him. I have eight siblings who are probably reading my blog, so I don't want to go into details. Let's just say that my dad left my mom. When he left, he took my mom's heart with him. My dad also said some things to me that really hurt me, and caused a lot of self-doubt. I love my dad more than words can express, so that's why it hurts so much. I still try focus on the good, and forgive. I'm hoping that whatever happens, God will make things right. His hands are much bigger than mine.

    Thanks again,



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