I have many obligations. Music, and people to connect with. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, because it's easy to get swept way into form. And I want to be able to keep my spaciousness as I dance in form. To stay centered, and calm in the knowing, in the seeing, and being.
With peace, without judging.
To remember the space of grace, and give that knowing away. To allow myself how I show up with unconditional love, as best as I can.
And so...I thought I'd stop in here, and say hi, before I dance in form, and hope that Grace helps me to paint beautiful things, pointing to the place beyond shapes.
A deeper truth.
A unity.
That when it is felt, love is seen.
And we know together.
I wrote three poems a couple months ago. And thought I'd share them.
God's Body
Hello.
I see you.
You in all your forms and faces.
In all the places.
I did my best to see you. Though some of your disguises were very clever.
I massaged your Arthritic hands.
Your ankle full of gout.
A knee recovering from surgery.
I saw you in a song of a seven year old, as we sang together.
I saw you in a downs syndrome, woman.
I saw you in a book.
I saw as you took something away, and made room for something better.
I saw you working to make all things work for my good.
I saw you in my neighbor who had just come home from being very ill.
I saw your lonely face in a my neighbor.
I saw you afraid.
I saw a you that I was angry at, and had to forgive.
I saw a you, that was in great pain, that I had to be present with.
I saw you happy.
I saw a you that was full of youth, and joy.
I saw another you that was so busy, and weighed down with care.
I saw you in the newness of a child's wonder, learning how to make music.
I saw you in my mother.
I saw a you that was too big.
A you that was too small.
And a you that didn't talk well of yourself.
I saw you in someone who spoke the truth by the way they lived, and gave love away without condition.
I saw a you that couldn't see yourself.
I saw someone who saw themselves in everyone.
I saw you in all these.
And more...
And hope some of the love I gave away, will reach you.
I saw you.
And when I didn't, or couldn't see myself in them.
Grace did.
And so...
The self I saw in them.
Sometimes, I couldn't say everything I wished, or wanted.
And sometimes, I acted smaller.
Or talked too much.
Or too little.
Or was slow in replying.
Or too quick.
And sometimes I remembered. And sometimes I said the right thing.
And sometimes grace was right there.
In the room.
And everyone felt it.
And sometimes I forgot, and thought I needed to protect myself.
And sometimes I remembered, and opened my heart so wide.
And sometimes the truth was so present, you could feel it.
And sometimes, it was so absent, you could also feel it.
And sometimes, I was so present, I could feel the energy of love.
I could feel the heart of those around me.
Or their mind, hot in their head.
And sometimes, I knew exactly what to do, or say.
And sometimes, I didn't know.
And sometimes I was overcome with my own grief.
In the forgetting, and remembering.
And knowing, and not.
But, if I was to tell myself anything.
Seeing how odd and strange, and beautiful, dynamic, and good, and wonderful being vulnerable is.
It's okay.
I would tell myself. I've got you.
I am here for you.
Always.
I would tell myself, you are right where you need to be.
You're perfect.
You're beautiful.
You are love.
And loved.
You are enough. You always have been enough.
There isn't anything you can earn, or anything that can be taken away from who you really are.
There isn't anything you have to prove.
Or do.
Or say.
Or be.
You're allowed.
You are loved.
You are seen.
And known.
And cherished.
You are good.
You are kind.
You are love.
You are.
You are not any of those things you can gather, or collect.
You are not any of those things that get taken, or stolen.
You are not your car, or you house, grand or small.
You are not the dirt, or the clean.
You are not your nice, or your not nice.
You are not the mean words you say, or the untrue words.
You are beyond words. Kind or not.
The you, that can be felt.
Is beyond such things.
Heartstuff.
This is something.
I do believe we are.
Heartstuff.
It's not something you can weigh.
Or measure.
You can see reflections of it.
When God gives you his eyesight.
It is in the un cagable forms of heartstuff.
Unbreakable, that flows through everything.
Is in everything we breathe in our out, or eat, or give away.
This.
It.
We crave.
Desire.
Search for.
We forget.
And then remember.
This knowing.
This heartstuff we all are.
It hasn't left.
Ever.
And never can.
We just thought we could.
Be separate.
Which is an impossibility.
And utter lie.
And so, the only thing separating any of us from our truth.
Is a very, thin, veil.
And the closer we get to heartstuff.
We see through that veil, more and more, until
You can only, ever, love.
Myself.
The myself in you.
And in them.
And there isn't anything to get.
Ever.
Only, a remembrance, as we love.
That you.
That love.
Is right here.
And there is no other.
------------------------
Neighbors
I wonder....
As I often do.
If perhaps loving one's neighbors.
Is the key.
In which we see.
For in loving our neighbors.
One at a time.
I think we unravel.
Something divine.
For when you see yourself.
In the you, that that is them.
Perhaps you heal apart of yourself.
You didn't think would ever be well, again.
Maybe, just maybe.
If we are really one body.
We won't be entirely whole.
Until the whole body, is loved.
And known.
Until the lungs can expel their grief.
Until the tears fall, and find relief.
Until the ears listen to its cries. Heard itself, in every disguise.
Until the eyes are full of light, can it see itself, in pain, or delight.
Until the nose, can breathe in and out, and smell all the flavors, within and with out.
Until the hands know they only help themselves.
Lighten the load, put books on a shelf.
Until the feet of you are washed by me.
Until I can see myself in your soul, walk as if you were me.
Until my Colin is clean, how can I expel.
Only truth from my heart's living well.
To know that I only speak to me.
Will my words and thoughts, reflect accurately.
Until I know that my own tongue, is only tasting flavors of myself.
Until I know I only eat.
Myself.
Will I eat only light.
Digest only light.
Reflect only light.
Give only light.
Until the heart beats in tune, sees itself. Will it love itself.
Will it know is own love.
But until then...
We all love.
As best we can.
With a little bit of light.
And a little bit of dark.
And we swirl between the two knowings.
Seen and unseen.
Dancing between the sun.
Your Presence
The presence of you.
Here.
Yet invisible.
Surrounds me.
Within my chest.
Within, and without.
You.
And yet...at times.
I miss you.
Even though you are here.
Invisible.
And the ache that there are moments when I forget.
In those moments I miss you most.
For your presence and nearness is most dear to me than anything.
And in the forgetting.
I feel a sorrow.
Like someone I once knew, so close to me. I grope for you.
I weep. And pause.
And then you remind me.
Somehow.
And I remember.
And then, you appear.
Your presence.
In all I see.
And I feel you. Knowing you have never left.
I laugh, and I look around for you.
And feel the present nearness of you, invisible.
Manifested in the canvas of now.
In the faces of life as it greets me.
Your Oneness
Your being engulfs my heart.
And I look.
You.
Oh, God.
The ache of love, present, and invisible.
The you that exists in every moment in me.
A aloneness, that is not lonely.
Only aches, at times, wishing to breathe and move, and be always near that flame.
Wishing I could paint you next to me, in every moment.
And see, perhaps, a glimmer of your smile.
The depth of your eyes.
Perhaps give form to this you, I feel.
Much bigger than any feeling I have felt.
Realer than any person who has found me.
To feel complete.
Yet incomplete.
Completely.
Oh, I am blessed, that your essence came into my life.
A perfume so sweet, It has never left since It found me.
This realness.
This love.
Is rich.
A fire ever burning.
And the ache of you is amplified only because in knowing your presence.
Forgetting, at times.
Feels more than I can bear.
More than my heart can take.
And so, as write, I know you are here.
Next to me.
Always.
Lingering on my eyelashes.
Shining in the dark.
A sound of love.
I feel you.
Loving invisible love.
Loving invisible wings.
Loving the invisible realm.
Unseen to eyes.
Loving the silence, and the soft invisible lullabies.
Loving that which most ignore.
Like the air.
The space.
The place you walk through when you go through a door.
Loving the canvas before you paint.
Loving the earth.
And things that look quaint.
Loving the mess, and loving the clean.
Loving the dirt, and loving things to be serene.
Loving the real.
The honest.
And true.
The gritty details.
That make life a story.
Makes it have color and hue.
And though you are beside me.
Invisible.
I let myself feel the invisible ache.
That comes from loving invisible things.
And hope to breathe to life, your reflection in every soul I meet.
Until I know you, better.
Help me remember.
Remind me of your Grace.
Help me to trust it.
And allow you always.
To be with me.
And the truth of Love is fully seen.
Reflected in all I am, in all I know, in all I do, in all I be.
In all I see.
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