So, I suppose every blogger in the cyberspace world is going to be writing their new years goals and telling the world about the amazing things they are planning for the next year. Perhaps I'll do the same---if I deem it necessary. I mean, who wants to tell the entire world of their goals. It's bad enough when you fall short of your goal, and the devil on your shoulder jabs you with a fork, and yells, "told you you'd never make it." On the other hand, if the goal gets completed, you may enjoy the angel on your shoulder strumming your praises on her harp, while others who, weren't so lucky, inwardly hate you for actually reaching earth shaking accomplishments.
On a different note, feels like I've shirked my bloggers duty, skipping posting on Christmas and everything. I'm sure there are blogger rules out there that say you must post something very interesting every holiday, and every other day between. Hope the blogger police don't catch me and put me a cell. I'm sure capital punishment would be to put me in a dark cold cell with the command to write until my eyes fall out of my head, and my fingers turn bloody. Then again, commanding someone to write, and then giving them only a pen and no paper, would be pretty mean too.
Right now I'm in a rather reflective mood--as I always am when I blog. Weird huh?
Maybe I'm not really in a reflective mood at all. Truth be told, I'm sitting on the couch, buried in a nest of blankets, with my laptop on---well, my lap. My nose is red, raw and rosy = plugged, and my throat is scratchy, my face a ugly pale color, my hair his greasy, and altogether ugly from being ill and having my head pushed up against a pillow. I've got a pile of snot rags gathered around me large enough to help jump-start four or five camp fires. If someone set a match to the paper surrounding me, I'd literally be toast. Come to think of it, if I didn't know better, I'd tell someone to set it on fire, that way I'd end up as a burnt offering sacrifice to the Goddess of runny noses, so no one else could suffer sinus pressure. Morbid I know. :)
Now that you have seen that I'm really writing to you because I'm deathly sick, perhaps you'll want to leave. I mean, you can catch bugs on the computer. And we wouldn't want that. Wear a face mask if your worried. Or leave if you want. I'll only be offended for life. *Smiles sinisterly* :)
Oh, yeah. I was going to tell you about my Christmas. Okay. I'll tell you. Funny thing is, this year, my sisters and I spent oodles of time getting music programs ready for various peoples, meetings, and programs, so that I had zero time to do any Christmas shopping or baking. Thus I became one of those guilty persons Christmas shopping at the last minute. I felt very proud when I actually found the desired gifts I had been seeking, even though it looked like I was a totally thoughtless person, shopping for my wonderful family members the day before Christmas.
After I had finished my shopping ventures on Christmas eve, I started making orange cinnamon rolls at about 6:00. P.M. Somehow between 6 and and the wee hours of night, the Twilight Zone hijacked me. For I had nothing but trouble with those rolls. They refused to rise. They sat there, like bricks. Dead, lifeless, and not breathing. Very rude. So, I decided to make another batch, using some different yeast.
This time the new yeast my mom gave me turned into little round balls of millet, or something not normal. It smelled weird. So I threw it out. And started over again, while my mom tried to save my un-rising rolls with more yeast and flour.
To make a long story longer, my last batch of rolls sat there, also, like large pile of poo. Sorry, but there's no other way to describe it. So I gave up, and joined my family in trolling around our street, enjoying the Christmas lights, and reading our traditional Christmas story. Before I went to bed I made a special effort to ignore the un-rising pile poo, feeling rather depressed over my huge failure, I gave up the grandiose idea of having cinnamon rolls for breakfast---or even in this century, and went to bed. That is, if anyone can really go to bed on Christmas eve. It seems like no matter how old I get, I still can't really sleep on Christmas eve. It's like my subconscious still doesn't know there's a Santa, and it's trying to keep me half awake so I can catch him in the act.
But I must have slept, because the ghost of Christmas Present sprinkled his magic water on my "no longer pile of poo," Because the the dough had risen. What a nice Christmas present! Now, more fully in the Christmas Spirit, I turned on the radio, where the chipmunks were singing of their secret longing for hula hoops for Christmas. I feel sorry for the poor creatures. After all these years, nobody has bothered getting them something so simple. And I have so many hula hoops. Perhaps, I should send them a few.
After that, I spent the morning baking the cinnamon rolls, eating breakfast, and enjoying the whole spirit of Christmas that comes with everybody giving and receiving. For those interested, the cinnamon rolls were a success, after all. So don't be discouraged if at first you don't succeed.
For the rest of the day it was actually quiet for the most part. My brother and their family were going to come over for our Christmas feast---at least I think they were. I never can tell these days with most my family doing dinner with my dad...it's most...well...different. So, after we found out our brother and his family was too sick to come down, our feast turned into a Christmas nibble. Which means we all watched, "It's a wonderful life," while nibbling on the feast.
Then towards evening, the rest of my family showed up, which was nice, and weird, because it was the first Christmas I can remember not having our Christmas feast together as one big family. Towards night, my sister and I went to visit my dad and my grandparents. We sang them a few Christmas carols, and then we came home and finished the night playing card games with the family. Twas altogether a good Christmas, despite the fact that there is a huge rift in my family, that....well no one really speaks of.
Divorce is like that I guess, especially when people are hurting. But it is there, like a big obnoxious pinata hanging in the middle of the room that everybody is watching, swaying back and forth, pretending like it isn't there, but secretly waiting for the right time to swat it so that all the ugly details can come spilling out onto the floor. Truth is. I wish somebody would swat it. I'm not one for holding in what I'm thinking for too long. I'd rather my whole family just started communicating what they felt, face-to face. Not that you needed to read any of that. But hey. It's my blog. Read at your own risk.
On an entirely different note, I'm exited for the new year, and glad that it's coming to a close. Not that I think that this year hasn't been beneficial. I have learned some things I never thought I would learn, and for that I am thankful. Goodbye old 2010. I'll miss you. You've been a good friend through it all. My you rest in peace. I will always remember you as the year "of CHANGE," in every aspect of the word.
RIP
Here are some of the things I have learned this year. It's a long list, just so ya know.
1. Expect the unexpected! And even when you expect it, well, there will always be something even more unexpected to expect. So be happy anyway, and expect the best, because it's the best thing to expect.
2. Life goes on. Hurt, even the worst kind, does in fact heal, but slowly. You can't force it.
3. Trust once broken doesn't instantly come back. Trust to relationships is like oil to a car, if you don't constantly put oil in your relationship car, it will break. Once you've overheated your relationships, by forgetting to put oil in your car, it takes a lot to gain that trust again. Trust is in fact---in a way, greater than love. Or to put it more accurately, it is the highest form of love. You may love a person, but that does not you will ever trust them. Trust is something you earn. Not a right. It is something that is gained day by day, action by action, deed by deed. By being constant and reliable, in time of need, and in time of plenty. By being willing to be there for others when they need you. It means being willing to listen, to keep your promises. It means sacrifice, listening to others in a Christ-centered way.
I have always loved the example of Christ, when Mary comes to him crying, telling him that Lazarus is dead. He could have said so many other things at that moment. He could have judged her, and told her that he could heal Lazarus. He could have told her that he knew so much more than her about the situation. He could have accused her of not tending to his sickness in a better manner. He could have told her that he was busy. He could have told her not to worry because there is a afterlife. He could have told her not to cry, and to just have more faith. To not be such a baby, that he could raise him from the dead. He could have given her the typical man response of "hey I can fix you. I can fix this problem. I can go in there and bam---make him alive." But instead doing any of that, he weeps with her. That is one of my favorite scripture stories because of Christ's beautiful example for us in communication. Mary came to him with a problem, and he offered what? Comfort, an ear. He didn't disagree or agree with her. He wept with her. He didn't drown her with any of his own superior knowledge about the situation. He looked at her with compassion, and sympathized with her needs on a deeply intimate level, where he felt exactly what she was feeling---which was loss, and cried with her, even though he knew that Lazarus would soon be alive again.
So, I guess, what I'm trying to say, in a round about way is, that this year, I have learned many things about what it means when the scripture says, "And Jesus wept." I've learned that Christlike communication means to forsake your pride, knowledge, judgments, insecurities, our paradigm (the way we see the world) and what it really means to listen with love. That in itself is a huge deposit if your trying to build trust in a relationship. I'll admit, right now I have a huge problem trusting men. Not that you needed to know that either. But I do, and I suppose I should get over it. But hey, things like this take time.
4. Word of advice to single people/things I've learned from being in a singles ward. Have goals. Don't be in a hurry to jump on the marriage wagon just because the world says now is the time to be married. Be the type of person you are seeking. Be enthused about life. Have interests because it gives others the permission to do the same. Never rush into things. Date lots of people. Eternity is a long time, so don't be in a hurry. Have fun, and learn to relax, and above all, be happy right now. No one can make you happy. You can only share in each others happiness.
5. Sometimes, you have to believe in yourself when nobody else does. And sometimes you have to forgive yourself, and forgive others too, especially when they don't even know they hurt you.
6. Music has the power to bring about miracles, to heal, to brighten someones day, to bring back old memories, to inspire. Music breaks language barriers, and brings meaning to the simple ordinary things of life.
7. If you're going to go sledding down a canyon, watch out for bridges with ten feet drop offs. They can be dangerous.
8. If you're going to write a book, write it. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to complete it. It doesn't matter if others like it or don't. It matters that you believe in the story, that you love writing, that you sincerely believe you have something to say. It doesn't matter if agents turn down your work, or if editors have too many other books on their plate. What matters is you do what you love. That you write, and you keep on writing, because that's who you are.
9. Never keep your glasses on your lap wile eating in the car. They might end up on the road, smashed into small pieces.
10. Life is precious. Never take the small moments for granted. Show people you care for them right now. You may never get a second chance.
11. Sometimes even when you show people how much you care about them they might forget. They might use you. They might even forget you're there. Show them you care anyway.
12. Some people will only like you if you're doing what they think you should be doing. And even if you decide to do what they think you should be doing, they probably won't like you anyway, so why not stay true to yourself, and do what you know you should do.
13. Kids in preschool know lots more than adults do who've graduated from collage.
14. Puncture weeds hurt bare toes.
15. Wear appropriate swim gear when doing any sort of water activity, or you might end up embarrassed.
16. Too much Cyan pepper hurts.
17. When hiking through the snow, wear boots, not summer shoes.
18. Wind is a powerful force. Don't offer your mom to come wind running with you, holding a sheet. She might end up with a bloody knee.
19. When running a marathon, make sure you don't drink ice cold water. The side ache that will follow will be very painful.
20. Laughing is good medicine.
21. Don't drive a truck that pretty much has no breaks, on a hill, near a dumpster.
22. Don't touch the heater, and our light switch at the same time. Electrocution may follow.
23. You get always back what you put into something.
24. I've learned that caffeine, exciting movies, and rock, with loud speakers can be something very enjoyable. Yes. I'm a heathen I know.
25. It's fun to break paradigm barriers.
26. If you believe you have something good to offer the world, the world will believe you too.
27. There are things much worse in this life than the world coming to the end. Get over it. Live your life.
28. Dare, dream, and go after your goals. Nobody else can dream for you. Nobody else can touch the world in the way that you can.
29. Hobbits are real. King Arthur really had a round table. And fairies live in our backyard.
30. Things worth trying, doing, or being, will nine times out of ten, be ten times harder than you think to do, be, or become. But it will be worth it, if you stick to it, every time.
31. I can hula hoop on on my feet, nose, shoulders, elbows, neck, knees, and about everywhere else.
32. When tubing down a rapid river, makes sure you and your companions use tubes that are the appropriate size and shape. To do otherwise could be disastrous.
33. Don't pack hula hoops in a suitcase in an airport. It's bound to be searched.
34. Don't run with your cellphone poking out your coat pocket.
35. Goats will and can get tangled in anything and everything.
36. Never let others define who you are.
37. Grownups are just kids in grown up bodies.
38. Not all things are what they seem. But sometimes it seems like it.
39. Chewing saved up pieces of gum is gross. Just throw them away.
40. Be thankful in all things.
41. Give in anyway you can, to anybody you can. And give lots of real hugs. Touch is healing thing.
42.It's fun to have a secret place, even if it's in a corn patch, to be still and think.
43. Try new things. Stretch. Some things I thought were bad weren't as bad as I thought they were, and some good things aren't as good as I thought they were.
44. Always give someone a second chance, including yourself.
45. Round objects, such as volley balls, footballs, and Frisbees can nearly break ones nose, when thrown at high enough speeds.
46. Appliances are like teenagers. They like to go off together.
47. Smile, after you've eaten spinach.
48. When the toilet is starting to overflow, don't just stand there.
49. Girls bond through talking. Men through doing stuff.
50. Wash your pillow case if you have zits on one side of your face.
51. The goals we set for ourselves make us stretch, and grow. But it's journey towards those goals that truly defines us. It's the consistent, daily realignment of who we are and what we wish to be, with our true selves, that brings us joy. Not what we reach in the end, not this grand palace full of gold. It may bring us partial joy. But the real tangible beauty and joy is not what we get, but who we become in the end.
52. I write too much. I think I should go blow my nose. This is the longest post ever.